I left off somewhere in the midst of Corry being placed in a psychiatric hospital. I had contacted DFHS and got no where. The school was backing us 110%. They saw the extremely disturbed side of this child. They were living it along side of us.
Our plan for when we did bring him back home to live with us, is we needed documentation. Lots of it. We had a psychiatrist who kind of got it. The positive thing was his problems were not because of my lack of willingness to bond w/him (we had previously been blamed for being the problem...or should I say I...I...I WAS BLAMED) therefore...it was a sigh of relief having a pdoc who saw Cor for who he was and include me in the factor.
Heck I don't remember if I wrote about what got him hospitalized or not. I'll...start...there for now....
DFHS was able to offer us respite...at our cost. They told us of the person. We called her. We set it up. We provided 110% of the transportation. We provided her with $20 PER HOUR plus $$ to do fun things with....
Are you familiar with children who have Reactive Attachment Disorder and are going to DAY respite or respite in general??
Let's just make sure I get my point across....
RESPITE (SPECIFICALLY DAY AT A TIME) SHOULD NOT BE FUN AND GAMES...
To say I was quite resentful of having to provide this chick with $$ to take my son out to eat, movie, some other form of FUN when he had bit me, threatened to kill his family members (and tried to hurt them), had pissed all over the house....resentful was an understatement. HUGE one as a matter of fact.
But we did it. It was all we had. It was a huge financial burden for us. We didn't have an extra $100 laying around. Heck $100 could do wonders for our family for a fun outing.
After going to respite Cor would come home and be 110% worse than he was when he left for the day. We tried to make the day special for our 3 yr old. A break from her brother. Yet, he would come home and talk about all the fun things he got to do like go to the McD's playland, zoo, ect. He would then demand we go do these things with him all.the.flippen.time. He begged to go to her house. He only went a handful of times because things went from bad to worse when he started going to her house.
Cor was obsessed with deer. In a very sick manner. He would draw pictures. Elicit (sp?) pictures. Anywhere. On his sisters wall and then deny he did it. WTH..she is 3 she can't even write her name let alone a picture of a deer who was shot and had blood dripping from its head....s'rsly...I'm not stupid...that was drawn on his sisters wall one day.
One particular Sat. after picking Cor up from respite he insisted that this lady let him shoot a deer. We let him know very matter of factly that we knew he was not telling the truth, that kind of lying and/or story would not be tolerated and if he continued to feel the need to talk this way he could do so in his room. Plain.Cut.Simple.Dry. He raged for the following 20 minute ride home. He screamed and wailed. We never believed him. We didn't love him. WHy didn't we just let him live with this lady. She loved him. She took him fun places. She was the good guy...we were not.
We arrived home only to have this battle continue. We did not engage him. We let him fabricate his story on his own time, in his own space...
it didnt' work so well.
Our night ended w/us calling the cops. As he raged unmerciful. Things were damaged. Things were pee'd upon. Life was not good in that evening.....
....more later. I just received a phone call from the missionaries. They are coming over for dinner = unexpected = me ordering pizza cuz I don't have dinner planned and our left-overs will not feed 2 young college age men....
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Back to "our story..."
I was going over the posts from the last year. I knew it has been a long time since I actually wrote in sequence or tried to about "Our Story..." and how we came to be where we are at.
So, for now I will try and pick back up where I left off. Some may be a repeat. Some may not be.
Our life is a bit crazy the next few weeks. Regardless, I'll attempt the best I can to 'write'.
I am hoping this can be a form of therapy for me at this very moment. As our (Mine and Cor's) birthday's roll around the corner -it always ends up being a rather hard time for me.
Anyone who has followed this blog for any amount of time may/may not know that I'm a bit all over the place emotionally some times....
So, for now I will try and pick back up where I left off. Some may be a repeat. Some may not be.
Our life is a bit crazy the next few weeks. Regardless, I'll attempt the best I can to 'write'.
I am hoping this can be a form of therapy for me at this very moment. As our (Mine and Cor's) birthday's roll around the corner -it always ends up being a rather hard time for me.
Anyone who has followed this blog for any amount of time may/may not know that I'm a bit all over the place emotionally some times....
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
My Bithday.....His Birthday
As a new mother of a newly adopted bright eyed, blonde and full of life 4 yr old....
I thought it was very cool that my new son and I shared birthdays.
Now nearly 11 years later...
I think the whole birthday sharing is a piece of crap and it truly brings a great deal of heart ache and a great deal of saddness.
I thought it was very cool that my new son and I shared birthdays.
Now nearly 11 years later...
I think the whole birthday sharing is a piece of crap and it truly brings a great deal of heart ache and a great deal of saddness.
Things That Drive Me Crazy
We are doing respite for a little gal. She will be with us most likely until the end of summer...
Some things that drive me crazy and remind me of what full-time rad-ish life is like....
*"Can I go potty?" (there are issues w/her being in the br by herself. She tends to do naughty things. Tends to go to the br many times during a 10 min. period. So..not always do we let her go on demand as it is just a ploy..) "Yes, you may go potty". Not even 30 sec later the toilet flushes. DH goes into the BR to find her pullup on the floor - peed.
She peed her pullup. She is completely potty trained. Has a medical disorder that can create the need for pullups. However, the medical issue has not been present since Thursday night.
UGH...just craziness. I know it shouldn't drive me crazy but it does.
*"I'm sorry for dumping my sippy cup out" I thought she meant for spilling it on me when I strapped her into her carseat. She repeated it. I looked in the rear view mirror to find her DUMPING the cup into the cup holder of my sons booster seat. I grabbed the cup (only had water) and whipped it out the window. My dh is a little pissed about that one. My thought was "natural consequence" and it was the only way for me to 'relieve my frustration' with out verbally taking it out.
NON RAD Children drive me crazy when they don't take care of their crap.
Non RAD Husband....well that just goes for the course.
I'm on my 2nd 'official' day of summer break. I will be working. However, about the same hours before. I'm not used to being home with my children 24/7 and add a 3rd child full time to the mix....
I'm dead tired and it is only the end of day 2....
THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!
Some things that drive me crazy and remind me of what full-time rad-ish life is like....
*"Can I go potty?" (there are issues w/her being in the br by herself. She tends to do naughty things. Tends to go to the br many times during a 10 min. period. So..not always do we let her go on demand as it is just a ploy..) "Yes, you may go potty". Not even 30 sec later the toilet flushes. DH goes into the BR to find her pullup on the floor - peed.
She peed her pullup. She is completely potty trained. Has a medical disorder that can create the need for pullups. However, the medical issue has not been present since Thursday night.
UGH...just craziness. I know it shouldn't drive me crazy but it does.
*"I'm sorry for dumping my sippy cup out" I thought she meant for spilling it on me when I strapped her into her carseat. She repeated it. I looked in the rear view mirror to find her DUMPING the cup into the cup holder of my sons booster seat. I grabbed the cup (only had water) and whipped it out the window. My dh is a little pissed about that one. My thought was "natural consequence" and it was the only way for me to 'relieve my frustration' with out verbally taking it out.
NON RAD Children drive me crazy when they don't take care of their crap.
Non RAD Husband....well that just goes for the course.
I'm on my 2nd 'official' day of summer break. I will be working. However, about the same hours before. I'm not used to being home with my children 24/7 and add a 3rd child full time to the mix....
I'm dead tired and it is only the end of day 2....
THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Prayers for a Friend and our Family
If there are any lurkers left out in the blog world ~ I would like to ask for some special prayers and thoughts sent our way.
Without going into a great deal of detail or information....We are 99% sure that we will be doing long term respite for a 5 yr old. The roles are being reversed at this point. While we have been doing respite for this child quite regularly since last fall - it appears that she will live with us for 5 days and go back to mom for 2 days.
This isn't something that has come easily. For us. For this childs mother. For anyone. However, at this point it is in the best interest of everyone in this childs family that there be a break.
We've been there. We've worn these shoes. It isn't something that is easy. It is heart wrenching. As a mother I had failed my child. The difference today vs when Cor was first placed in his long(er) term respite home in another state is that we know this child and family. We didn't know Cor's family. We were referred to them from our therapist.
This isn't going to be easy. It will change the dynamics of our family. While providing the nurturing and support that this child needs, we also need to support the emotional needs of our family (and myself).
There are also some big changes happening in our family. My 9 (almost 10 yr old) is going away to 2 week long camps. She has never been away from home...let me repeat...never been away from home. At the end of the first week of her first camp (she leaves on Father's Day) we will be moving. Not far. Just stressful.enough.
The move means new school in the fall.
We also have been struggling with our 6 yr old regarding retention and so forth. The specialist we saw today basically told me that I need to write a letter regarding this issue and send it to the superintendant (sp).
My job ends on Friday morning. I will be working for another company during the summer for 6 weeks. However, sporadically.
There are a lot of things on our plate right now. Nothing that we can't' handle. Nothing that isn't positive.
Just in the realm of things and of life having a 3rd child on a full time basis, who has a severe medical issue, and rad, just means we need a little more patience, little more love, little more of everything to give out...all the while trying to provide as much normalcy as possible for our 2 children.
Prayers for this childs mother would be great as I know her heart is truly breaking this evening. Prayers for our family as we enter this transition.
It is in the Lord's hands. Our Maker is the only person who knows what the future holds. He is the great and mighty healer. He can and will administer to the hearts and souls of each involved. Having faith is something I soemtime (often) lack...today I've just had to give it all over to my Father in Heaven.
Prayers please...lots and lots of prayers!!!
Without going into a great deal of detail or information....We are 99% sure that we will be doing long term respite for a 5 yr old. The roles are being reversed at this point. While we have been doing respite for this child quite regularly since last fall - it appears that she will live with us for 5 days and go back to mom for 2 days.
This isn't something that has come easily. For us. For this childs mother. For anyone. However, at this point it is in the best interest of everyone in this childs family that there be a break.
We've been there. We've worn these shoes. It isn't something that is easy. It is heart wrenching. As a mother I had failed my child. The difference today vs when Cor was first placed in his long(er) term respite home in another state is that we know this child and family. We didn't know Cor's family. We were referred to them from our therapist.
This isn't going to be easy. It will change the dynamics of our family. While providing the nurturing and support that this child needs, we also need to support the emotional needs of our family (and myself).
There are also some big changes happening in our family. My 9 (almost 10 yr old) is going away to 2 week long camps. She has never been away from home...let me repeat...never been away from home. At the end of the first week of her first camp (she leaves on Father's Day) we will be moving. Not far. Just stressful.enough.
The move means new school in the fall.
We also have been struggling with our 6 yr old regarding retention and so forth. The specialist we saw today basically told me that I need to write a letter regarding this issue and send it to the superintendant (sp).
My job ends on Friday morning. I will be working for another company during the summer for 6 weeks. However, sporadically.
There are a lot of things on our plate right now. Nothing that we can't' handle. Nothing that isn't positive.
Just in the realm of things and of life having a 3rd child on a full time basis, who has a severe medical issue, and rad, just means we need a little more patience, little more love, little more of everything to give out...all the while trying to provide as much normalcy as possible for our 2 children.
Prayers for this childs mother would be great as I know her heart is truly breaking this evening. Prayers for our family as we enter this transition.
It is in the Lord's hands. Our Maker is the only person who knows what the future holds. He is the great and mighty healer. He can and will administer to the hearts and souls of each involved. Having faith is something I soemtime (often) lack...today I've just had to give it all over to my Father in Heaven.
Prayers please...lots and lots of prayers!!!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Baby Showers
I was invited to go to a baby shower this weekend.
I can't go because of a girl scouting commitment that I have for my daughter.
Even though I want to go it is best that I can't. Even though I am sooo incredible happy for the "Mother-to-Be"....something about it just stings...
I grew up, in church with this sweet lady. She is my age, single, and adopting a newborn baby....
I am soooo very happy for her and was soo elated when I saw her mom a few weeks ago and she told me. Yet, my heart really aches. The realization that I will not have any more children - birth or adopted stings!!
I know several people that are pregnant or adopting and I'm really struggling, all over again with those infertility 'issues'....
I can't go because of a girl scouting commitment that I have for my daughter.
Even though I want to go it is best that I can't. Even though I am sooo incredible happy for the "Mother-to-Be"....something about it just stings...
I grew up, in church with this sweet lady. She is my age, single, and adopting a newborn baby....
I am soooo very happy for her and was soo elated when I saw her mom a few weeks ago and she told me. Yet, my heart really aches. The realization that I will not have any more children - birth or adopted stings!!
I know several people that are pregnant or adopting and I'm really struggling, all over again with those infertility 'issues'....
ReDEFINEing Normal
In the days and weeks after Cor's first hospitalization into the psychiatric hospital, I wondered if life as I knew it, before adopting a child with severe mental illness would ever be the same. The days turned into weeks. The weeks turned into months. The months have since turned into years. I am still wondering what my life was like before this....
Many days and hours were spent redefineing what/who our family was. It was a journey that I didn't not set out for. Believing was not about seeing. Faith was not about reaching. Flying was not about wings. It was about believing that this was my life. It was about redefineing what my faith was based on. It was about bandaging the wings that I had, savoring what was left and learning to fly with those battered wings, again and again...
In the months and years since our family went from a family of 5 to 4 and in the light of the severe emotional toll it took on myself and marriage it seemed to redefine us and be the only thing on my heart and mind so many days from the moment I woke and until the moment I closed my eyes.
Some days the pain was so (is still) so all consuming and intense it was all I could do to get out of bed, to brush my teeth, make myself presentable and be the mom that my two children at home still need(ed). There have been many days where I couldn't imagine that the pain and sorrow would ever become less than it was at that moment. That I would ever be able to feel normal ever.again. There was a part of me that finding thestrength to press on and redefine what normal was, would be forgetting about what normal was as a family of 5. By redefineing what normal is supposed to be would be saying 'it is okay to live without him in our home' and to me that isn't okay.
As the days, months, and years have passed, so has the fading memory of that 5th person who used to share our home. A few years ago as we ventured into adding another member to our family, our dreams were once again shattered. Truth betold, we are no closer today, than we were in May 2007 to adding a 6th (or 5th depending upon how you look at it) to our family. Redefineing the thought that I am and always will only be mom to 2 children.just.plain.sucks.
It has been nearly 3 years since the finalization of our tpr. It has been 3 years since I heard his voice. It has been 3 long, agonizing years. Truth is, many days are normal. Truth is, many days are heart wrenching. Truth is, today....yesterday.....I am pissed that we ended up having to redefine life as we knew it...
.....and truth is...today I think that just.plain.sucks!!
Many days and hours were spent redefineing what/who our family was. It was a journey that I didn't not set out for. Believing was not about seeing. Faith was not about reaching. Flying was not about wings. It was about believing that this was my life. It was about redefineing what my faith was based on. It was about bandaging the wings that I had, savoring what was left and learning to fly with those battered wings, again and again...
In the months and years since our family went from a family of 5 to 4 and in the light of the severe emotional toll it took on myself and marriage it seemed to redefine us and be the only thing on my heart and mind so many days from the moment I woke and until the moment I closed my eyes.
Some days the pain was so (is still) so all consuming and intense it was all I could do to get out of bed, to brush my teeth, make myself presentable and be the mom that my two children at home still need(ed). There have been many days where I couldn't imagine that the pain and sorrow would ever become less than it was at that moment. That I would ever be able to feel normal ever.again. There was a part of me that finding thestrength to press on and redefine what normal was, would be forgetting about what normal was as a family of 5. By redefineing what normal is supposed to be would be saying 'it is okay to live without him in our home' and to me that isn't okay.
As the days, months, and years have passed, so has the fading memory of that 5th person who used to share our home. A few years ago as we ventured into adding another member to our family, our dreams were once again shattered. Truth betold, we are no closer today, than we were in May 2007 to adding a 6th (or 5th depending upon how you look at it) to our family. Redefineing the thought that I am and always will only be mom to 2 children.just.plain.sucks.
It has been nearly 3 years since the finalization of our tpr. It has been 3 years since I heard his voice. It has been 3 long, agonizing years. Truth is, many days are normal. Truth is, many days are heart wrenching. Truth is, today....yesterday.....I am pissed that we ended up having to redefine life as we knew it...
.....and truth is...today I think that just.plain.sucks!!
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