Sibling Bonding

I want to write a bit about C and A's bond. I know I mentioned in a previous post that C had threatened to kill the baby after she was born. He did this daily. He knew he could upset me by saying it..therefore he continued to say it.

When Abi was born we were very vigilant of her. She was never left alone in a room w/C. She slept in our room. She was severely attached to her momma. From the time she was 3 months old until she was 16/18 months old - she woudl scream if ANYONE (even Grandma) would look at, hold, or even attempt to make eye contact w/her. She was "overly attached". I am sure it was because I/we - never left her outside of our sight - EVER!!

As I mentioned in previous post we moved into a home where we took care of 2 adults w/disabilities. This happened with A was about 3 months old (early November). Shortly before we moved one night C & A and I were laying on the floor.

As with our nightly routine - we would lay, laugh and try to jus thave fun (this is pre-RAD diagnosis, KAY foundation, therapy...) And C made some lil face at Abi and she laughed a belly laugh made me cut up in tears. She was not quite 2 months old at this point.

This became our routine. ONLY and I repeat ONLY C was able to get Abi to laugh like this. ONLY C was able to get the reaction out of this tiny lil thing that was sooo hysterical. He lived for this moment. Often, I woudl be nursing MsAbi who thought that my boob was her pacifer when Cor would come up and say something to her and she would cut up laughing.

She loved him unconditionally!! He loved her unconditionally!!

For the first time in his little life...he was attached to his baby sister. He cried and cried when she would be sick. He would become very over protective whenn we woud go to the doctor. When she got her first shots. OMgosh...lets jsut say I never took him w/me again because he was so irate w/the nurses for "hurting" his sister.

The bond between these two was very strong. For a very long time. Even up until the very end, right before our parental rights were terminated...that bond was still there.

I can bet that if you were to talk to him today about our family first things he would ask/tell you about his sister.

There were several times that C would be raging - throwing things, bitting me, trying to hurt me and somehow in the process Abwould get hurt by him. Each and every time he was very remorseful for hurting her and her only.

This was a posivitive thing. We felt very strongly that he could form a healthy attachment and were hopeful.

Baby Sister is Born...

June 27, 1999 our little baby tried to enter this world. Seven weeks and 1 day early. Thankfully, due to modern medicine our baby was not aloud to enter the world earlier. We would have to wait another 7 weeks and 2 days to find out if our baby was a boy or girl.

Our baby didn't get to share a birthday w/mommy - who was born on June 27th.
Our baby didn't get to share a birthday w/big brother - C who was born on June 28th.

Due the preterm labor - I was on bedrest most of the next 4 weeks.

On August 11, 1999 -- the day C clearly had been waiting for. He stood outside the operating room w/Grandma waiting to find out "It's A Girl" He was so excited.

For the first time in his life...he connected...he bonded...he loved his baby sister more than anyone else in his life!!

The next few days were filled with so much joy and grief. For the first time in my life I was able to know what a true bond w/your child was. I felt so much grief and remorse that I didn't have that with C. I was filled with rage and anger at his birth mother for hurting him. I was really angry and mourned that loss my little boy never had w/his birth mom and had not hd with me.

There were so many little things that he would say. When he would be visiting me in the hospital the nurse was doing something to MsA and she began to cry. He got very protective and said "Don't you hurt my baby!!!".

It became very clear, very early that no one would be aloud to look at, touch, hurt, or anything to baby sister Ms.A with out talking to her big brother!!!

C.Protected.His.Baby.Sister.