humph!

I have titled this post several different things.

I've started it.
Deleted it.
Re-started it.
Deleted it.
Re-titled it.

Nothing seems to come to mind.
Nothing seems to stick to my thoughts.
Nothing seems to really make sense.

So many thoughts swirling around.

I was challenged (well kind of) to think about/research what others do surrounding rituals surrounding grief.

This is my problem with doing this.

The type of grief and loss that has plagued my heart is not normal.
It isn't something that can easily be googled.
It isnt' something that comes up when doing a google search.

When a prospective mother/father suffers a miscarriage, there are support groups.
When a prospective mother/father suffers the death of an infant/child, there are support groups.

The grief surrounding a disruption is soo incredible different than any other type of loss.

Professionals don't really get it. Sure they might try. But unless they have actually lived it themselves they just don't get it.

In my house/family the way of life to deal with it has been to be silent. If you were to walk in my home you would never know that we had at one point in time, 3 beautiful children. There are no reminders that we were parents of 3 children.

My husband has talked more in the last 2 weeks about the impending loss of one of our children in our home more than he ever talked to me about the loss of our child that we adopted. Sure it could be that it is just a different situation all around and is easier to discuss.

All that continues to come to my mind lately....

~~It is what it is...Until it isn't~~

And I guess, until it isn't....I will just keep on keeping on. Somehow, somewhere, find some sort of peace and closure with something that has never had any closure.