Monday, June 29, 2009

We're Moved and Thanks

First and foremost..thanks Christine for the bumble ball. We received it today.  I'll be muddling threw the boxes to find batteries.  I'll post more in a day or so when I can/am able to.  My internet is rather shabby right now.

The move was long, daunting, tiresome, painful, and well just plain hard.  Hard physically - to be expected. 

Hard in other ways. Hard in that not only was my bd on Saturday - Cor's was Sunday.  I have had a blog post in my head for sometime about "Cor's bd".  I didn't have internet access yesterday, was in to much pain to go to the library to write it, and well....emotionally just didn't need to go there. 

I could s'rsly use some prayers.  Life has taken its toll over the last several days/week.  To top it off I hurt my back on Saturday.  Lifting something that I had no business doing.  However, I had enough and wanted things DONE...NOW!  I hurt it, I felt it and am currently REALLY feeling it....I saw chiro today, will tmw...and hoping/praying for some relief...


More in a few days when I'm feelin' better...I hope.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Next day...

after the disorderly conduct charge.

It wasn't a real pretty site at our house. I was tired. I was spent. I had..had...enough of on going raging. This child should have been removed from our home the night before and he wasn't. The officer said so himself. His hands were tied. He couldn't have him admitted to a psychiatric facility w/o the county social workers approval. Because the oncall sw (again...who happened to be our sw assigned to us) was the asshat that he is/ didn't happen.

It was what ended up being a rather late night.

Church that morning was tough getting to. However, we went. All 3 kids in tow along with both of their parents.

I spent a little time discussing privately w/our branch president the night befores events. The 1st councelor was our home teacher. I also had a conversation with him. He made it very clear that we needed to call him or or the branch president asap when these rages happened in order to keep our other children safe. They provided their love and support. Little did they know what the day was going to hold.

We came home from church and there were many things that needed to get done. IE: Clean up from the rage filled child who destroyed our lil duplex home the night before. I didn't mess it up. I was not going to clean it up. So, Cor's job was to clean it up.

His food of choice would be PBJ until it got cleaned. I did not feed him breakfast. He was big enough to get his own cereal and that was the max of his choice for breakfast that morning. I made it very clear to him that I would not do anything for him until he cleaned up the mess for me. So that is what he did. Only at a snails pace.

To test me/us on our "PBJ diet" there was one thing that needed to be cleaned up. I said nothing. He had his list. He checked his list off. He choose to piss on his bed, write on his walls, hollar obscenities at me from his room or where ever it might have been he was at in the house that particular day.

At dinner time. We had a very nice meal. The crockpot had been cooking all day. His stuff was not cleaned up. Therefore, the pbj - carrots - milk - bread were all available for him to make himself his dinner. I didn't care if he ate 1 bite or had the entire loaf.

He didn't eat. He wanted what we were eating. Tough. You should have done the stuff you were told to. Remember...I didn't make this mess and I wasn't going to clean it up. Clearly, dinner was set at a certain time and you knew it so...your choice. Not mine. Long time until breakfast my dear son...

Sound cold? Probably was. You need to remember, if you have never lived with a child who rages hours upon hours upon hours a day....the sarcasm, synical, side...sometimes is just all you have to keep your sanity.

It was around 6pm and the raging had been going on for about an hour. He had one chore left to do. Until it was done I was not having anything to say/do. I stood my ground. We did not get caught up in his triagulation.

Ab (3 at the time) had just finished her bath. I had just put her in her jammies when he started in again. I will never forget my babies words as I was trying to fight the tears. Something she had said for 18's ok okay...i love you!! I had nursed Bry (5 mo) and laid him down on the floor. Cor had not tried to hurt Ab or Bry since coming back from my inlaws. He was very protective. They got hurt in fits of rage occasionally. However, for the most part - they were not the target of his rages and so forth. (Ab was earlier on about 20 months before and later on).

I laid Bry down on the floor in the living room. I decided I would gentle go into the kitchen and remind Cor that he was almost done with his chores. He had one thing left to do. He could decide how long it would take him. It was all I could do to not yell or loose my cool. Gentle whispered in a soft voice (as he was yelling and screaming) that I loved him, was proud he had taken the day to clean his mess, thanked him for taking the responsibility to do so....

and then it happened. Not like any other day or moment of our life. happened. It is a moment in my life where I reply the what ifs over and over...what if I wouldn't have went and talked to him. Did that set him over the edge even more?

As I walked out of the kitchen Cor picked up the dinning room chair and threw it at me. Only he missed. Missed in a really horrible way....the chair landed on Bryant. Not a small chair by anymeans.

Cor raging even more at this point. I'm about to loose my cool even more so at this point. Baby screaming bloody murder. My dh about to loose it on Cor. S'rsly...I took Cor by the arm and told him he needed to stay in his room...handed my dh the phone as I called 911 (usually we just called the non emergency number for our town) and instructed my dh to GO OUTSIDE. I locked myself, Abi and Bry in our bedroom. Bry was hysterical. He was okay. But hysterical. I picked up the phone and called our HT...he was at our house in less than 3 minutes. As I made the choice to leave my babies in the bedroom with him to go deal with Cor - who had know torn the entire living room, his bd apart in a fit of rage...he was upset he hurt his brother. He should be damn it. I made him go outside. I could not have him screaming in the house w/Ab and Bry. They were traumatized enough. officer shows up....not Officer Ron...but a classmate of my brothers.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


I owe a HUGE...HUGE..Thank You to Sarah!
A few nights ago after going in and out in the rain searching for a BUMBLE BALL I send an email out to some folks that I thought may or may not happen to have a bumble ball laying around their house, be out and about and see one...
Low and Behold Sweet Sarah...posted my request on her blog.  I was going to do the same on my blog but needed to re-word the request.  The last few days have been crazy busy. After Mr. Mailman came yesterday we took the kids to "Little Amerikka".  It was a blast.  They have safe and fun carnival rides. Nothing like Great America but something a tad cheaper and well...TONS of fun for our children.  Because my dh and the little gal we do respite for (who is now living w/us 5 out of 7 days a week) can't go on all of the rides I really liked this place since we could buy 'less expensive' bands.  My thoughts/plans were to post this last night.  It didnt' happen. I got home and was dog tired after chasing 3 kids all over the park, riding rides, having my leg get caught in the Rocket/Bullet ride and well...that is another hole post in and of itself. 
Then this morning I had to work ( I didn't realize it was Sunday when I volunteered. I thought I was volunteering for Saturday.)  Oh' was fun and I can use the extra cash right now. 

Regardless, my heart felt so incredible blessed to read 2 different emails from Sarah of people who are willing to pass on their bumble balls.  I know that N will truly love this. Not only will she love it but it will bring MANY hours of entertainment for her. Her momma sent a back massager that vibrates.  She literally wore out the  batteries for it this week. (Now..I do believe that my 6 yr old who has significant sensory proccessing issues - was also part of just sitting and holding that massager.)  So not only will the little gal we are doing respite for get use out of it - so will my son. can't know how incredible blessed I felt when I read your post. 

This is what the blog world is for. My dh might shun me, he might get mad at times.....but it isn't all bad!!  It is mostly good!!

Love Ya!! 

When I stand before God at the
end of my life I would hope that
I would have not a single bit of
talent left and could say,
"I used everything you gave me."
~Erma Bombeck

Friday, June 19, 2009

Disorderly Conduct

.....that was the result from us calling the cops. Basically, when we made it be known to Cor that mom was on the phone with 911 he went from being completely out of control to being even more so out of control. I can still, 6 1/2 yrs later, remember the scene at our home.

We had a pretty standing rule in our home (still do) that screaming, raging is not aloud in the house. Plain.Cut.Simple.Dry. I do not allow it, nor will I. If you choose to scream and hollar at me, if you choose to not be able to talk to me in a rational manner, w/o your voice raised so much that it causes your newborn brother and 3 yr old sister to cry....YOU MUST go outside or to the garage. (In the winter = garage).

This particular night Cor decided after finding out i was on the phone to take off. Whatever. Take off. It is -10 below right now and you will not get far and BTW - officer will find you in about 2 seconds.

I had made up my mind that this was going to be the last phone call. I had had enough. This child is sick. He needed help. Lots and Lots of Help. Help that we were not able to provide for him at that very moment.

Cor bolted out the door. He decided that peeing on the house was the thing to do. Pee on the house. I don't care. Really, I don't. I stood on the patio, on the phone, with his coat in my hand. He refused. Screaming and raging. Throwing rocks and snowballs at the house (January). If peeing wasn't enough, Cor decided he was to hot and took ALL of his clothes off. As I was attempting to move him from outside to the garage (and still on the phone w/dispatch) he would have nothing to do with it. Seconds later Officer Ron (our beloved Officer Ron) pulled up. THEN and ONLY THEN did Cor decided to quiet down, go in the house - only I wouldn't let him. He needed to go into the garage and dress himself. Officer Ron agreed.

It was a very long night. A night where Officer Ron could see that this child truly needed help. A night where the Officer clearly tried to get him help. There was only one problem, the on-call social worker for the county (who just happened to be the SW assigned to us...whom I had been requesting help for a couple of months and being told was to busy...) didn't want to be bothered. In my not so ever humble opinion.

The Asshat Social Worker had a GREAT solution:

Charge the 8 year old with disorderly conduct.

Have I mentioned b4 that I truly have a great deal of resentment, hatred, pent up anger towards this person? Some day I'm thinking I will get to the 'current/end' side of this story and you will hear even more why I can't stand this person.

Charing an 8 yr old with disorderly conduct only does ONE THING....

Hurt the parents check book.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Where I left off...

I left off somewhere in the midst of Corry being placed in a psychiatric hospital. I had contacted DFHS and got no where. The school was backing us 110%. They saw the extremely disturbed side of this child. They were living it along side of us.

Our plan for when we did bring him back home to live with us, is we needed documentation. Lots of it. We had a psychiatrist who kind of got it. The positive thing was his problems were not because of my lack of willingness to bond w/him (we had previously been blamed for being the problem...or should I say I...I...I WAS BLAMED) was a sigh of relief having a pdoc who saw Cor for who he was and include me in the factor.

Heck I don't remember if I wrote about what got him hospitalized or not. I'll...start...there for now....

DFHS was able to offer us our cost. They told us of the person. We called her. We set it up. We provided 110% of the transportation. We provided her with $20 PER HOUR plus $$ to do fun things with....

Are you familiar with children who have Reactive Attachment Disorder and are going to DAY respite or respite in general??

Let's just make sure I get my point across....


To say I was quite resentful of having to provide this chick with $$ to take my son out to eat, movie, some other form of FUN when he had bit me, threatened to kill his family members (and tried to hurt them), had pissed all over the house....resentful was an understatement. HUGE one as a matter of fact.

But we did it. It was all we had. It was a huge financial burden for us. We didn't have an extra $100 laying around. Heck $100 could do wonders for our family for a fun outing.

After going to respite Cor would come home and be 110% worse than he was when he left for the day. We tried to make the day special for our 3 yr old. A break from her brother. Yet, he would come home and talk about all the fun things he got to do like go to the McD's playland, zoo, ect. He would then demand we go do these things with him all.the.flippen.time. He begged to go to her house. He only went a handful of times because things went from bad to worse when he started going to her house.

Cor was obsessed with deer. In a very sick manner. He would draw pictures. Elicit (sp?) pictures. Anywhere. On his sisters wall and then deny he did it. WTH..she is 3 she can't even write her name let alone a picture of a deer who was shot and had blood dripping from its head....s'rsly...I'm not stupid...that was drawn on his sisters wall one day.

One particular Sat. after picking Cor up from respite he insisted that this lady let him shoot a deer. We let him know very matter of factly that we knew he was not telling the truth, that kind of lying and/or story would not be tolerated and if he continued to feel the need to talk this way he could do so in his room. Plain.Cut.Simple.Dry. He raged for the following 20 minute ride home. He screamed and wailed. We never believed him. We didn't love him. WHy didn't we just let him live with this lady. She loved him. She took him fun places. She was the good guy...we were not.

We arrived home only to have this battle continue. We did not engage him. We let him fabricate his story on his own time, in his own space...

it didnt' work so well.

Our night ended w/us calling the cops. As he raged unmerciful. Things were damaged. Things were pee'd upon. Life was not good in that evening.....

....more later. I just received a phone call from the missionaries. They are coming over for dinner = unexpected = me ordering pizza cuz I don't have dinner planned and our left-overs will not feed 2 young college age men....

Back to "our story..."

I was going over the posts from the last year. I knew it has been a long time since I actually wrote in sequence or tried to about "Our Story..." and how we came to be where we are at.

So, for now I will try and pick back up where I left off. Some may be a repeat. Some may not be.

Our life is a bit crazy the next few weeks. Regardless, I'll attempt the best I can to 'write'.

I am hoping this can be a form of therapy for me at this very moment. As our (Mine and Cor's) birthday's roll around the corner -it always ends up being a rather hard time for me.

Anyone who has followed this blog for any amount of time may/may not know that I'm a bit all over the place emotionally some times....

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

My Bithday.....His Birthday

As a new mother of a newly adopted bright eyed, blonde and full of life 4 yr old....

I thought it was very cool that my new son and I shared birthdays.

Now nearly 11 years later...

I think the whole birthday sharing is a piece of crap and it truly brings a great deal of heart ache and a great deal of saddness.  

Things That Drive Me Crazy

We are doing respite for a little gal. She will be with us most likely until the end of summer...

Some things that drive me crazy and remind me of what full-time rad-ish life is like....

*"Can I go potty?" (there are issues w/her being in the br by herself. She tends to do naughty things. Tends to go to the br many times during a 10 min. period. So..not always do we let her go on demand as it is just a ploy..) "Yes, you may go potty". Not even 30 sec later the toilet flushes. DH goes into the BR to find her pullup on the floor - peed.

She peed her pullup. She is completely potty trained. Has a medical disorder that can create the need for pullups. However, the medical issue has not been present since Thursday night.

UGH...just craziness. I know it shouldn't drive me crazy but it does.

*"I'm sorry for dumping my sippy cup out" I thought she meant for spilling it on me when I strapped her into her carseat. She repeated it. I looked in the rear view mirror to find her DUMPING the cup into the cup holder of my sons booster seat. I grabbed the cup (only had water) and whipped it out the window. My dh is a little pissed about that one. My thought was "natural consequence" and it was the only way for me to 'relieve my frustration' with out verbally taking it out.

NON RAD Children drive me crazy when they don't take care of their crap.
Non RAD Husband....well that just goes for the course.

I'm on my 2nd 'official' day of summer break. I will be working. However, about the same hours before. I'm not used to being home with my children 24/7 and add a 3rd child full time to the mix....

I'm dead tired and it is only the end of day 2....


Thursday, June 11, 2009

Prayers for a Friend and our Family

If there are any lurkers left out in the blog world ~ I would like to ask for some special prayers and thoughts sent our way.

Without going into a great deal of detail or information....We are 99% sure that we will be doing long term respite for a 5 yr old. The roles are being reversed at this point. While we have been doing respite for this child quite regularly since last fall - it appears that she will live with us for 5 days and go back to mom for 2 days.

This isn't something that has come easily. For us. For this childs mother. For anyone. However, at this point it is in the best interest of everyone in this childs family that there be a break.

We've been there. We've worn these shoes. It isn't something that is easy. It is heart wrenching. As a mother I had failed my child. The difference today vs when Cor was first placed in his long(er) term respite home in another state is that we know this child and family. We didn't know Cor's family. We were referred to them from our therapist.

This isn't going to be easy. It will change the dynamics of our family. While providing the nurturing and support that this child needs, we also need to support the emotional needs of our family (and myself).

There are also some big changes happening in our family. My 9 (almost 10 yr old) is going away to 2 week long camps. She has never been away from home...let me repeat...never been away from home. At the end of the first week of her first camp (she leaves on Father's Day) we will be moving. Not far. Just stressful.enough.

The move means new school in the fall.

We also have been struggling with our 6 yr old regarding retention and so forth. The specialist we saw today basically told me that I need to write a letter regarding this issue and send it to the superintendant (sp).

My job ends on Friday morning. I will be working for another company during the summer for 6 weeks. However, sporadically.

There are a lot of things on our plate right now. Nothing that we can't' handle. Nothing that isn't positive.

Just in the realm of things and of life having a 3rd child on a full time basis, who has a severe medical issue, and rad, just means we need a little more patience, little more love, little more of everything to give out...all the while trying to provide as much normalcy as possible for our 2 children.

Prayers for this childs mother would be great as I know her heart is truly breaking this evening. Prayers for our family as we enter this transition.

It is in the Lord's hands. Our Maker is the only person who knows what the future holds. He is the great and mighty healer. He can and will administer to the hearts and souls of each involved. Having faith is something I soemtime (often) I've just had to give it all over to my Father in Heaven.

Prayers please...lots and lots of prayers!!!