Next day...

after the disorderly conduct charge.

It wasn't a real pretty site at our house. I was tired. I was spent. I had..had...enough of on going raging. This child should have been removed from our home the night before and he wasn't. The officer said so himself. His hands were tied. He couldn't have him admitted to a psychiatric facility w/o the county social workers approval. Because the oncall sw (again...who happened to be our sw assigned to us) was the asshat that he is/was...it didn't happen.

It was what ended up being a rather late night.

Church that morning was tough getting to. However, we went. All 3 kids in tow along with both of their parents.

I spent a little time discussing privately w/our branch president the night befores events. The 1st councelor was our home teacher. I also had a conversation with him. He made it very clear that we needed to call him or or the branch president asap when these rages happened in order to keep our other children safe. They provided their love and support. Little did they know what the day was going to hold.

We came home from church and there were many things that needed to get done. IE: Clean up from the rage filled child who destroyed our lil duplex home the night before. I didn't mess it up. I was not going to clean it up. So, Cor's job was to clean it up.

His food of choice would be PBJ until it got cleaned. I did not feed him breakfast. He was big enough to get his own cereal and that was the max of his choice for breakfast that morning. I made it very clear to him that I would not do anything for him until he cleaned up the mess for me. So that is what he did. Only at a snails pace.

To test me/us on our "PBJ diet" there was one thing that needed to be cleaned up. I said nothing. He had his list. He checked his list off. He choose to piss on his bed, write on his walls, hollar obscenities at me from his room or where ever it might have been he was at in the house that particular day.

At dinner time. We had a very nice meal. The crockpot had been cooking all day. His stuff was not cleaned up. Therefore, the pbj - carrots - milk - bread were all available for him to make himself his dinner. I didn't care if he ate 1 bite or had the entire loaf.

He didn't eat. He wanted what we were eating. Tough. You should have done the stuff you were told to. Remember...I didn't make this mess and I wasn't going to clean it up. Clearly, dinner was set at a certain time and you knew it so...your choice. Not mine. Long time until breakfast my dear son...

Sound cold? Probably was. You need to remember, if you have never lived with a child who rages hours upon hours upon hours a day....the sarcasm, synical, side...sometimes is just all you have to keep your sanity.

It was around 6pm and the raging had been going on for about an hour. He had one chore left to do. Until it was done I was not having anything to say/do. I stood my ground. We did not get caught up in his triagulation.

Ab (3 at the time) had just finished her bath. I had just put her in her jammies when he started in again. I will never forget my babies words as I was trying to fight the tears. Something she had said for 18 months...it's ok momma..it okay...i love you!! I had nursed Bry (5 mo) and laid him down on the floor. Cor had not tried to hurt Ab or Bry since coming back from my inlaws. He was very protective. They got hurt in fits of rage occasionally. However, for the most part - they were not the target of his rages and so forth. (Ab was earlier on about 20 months before and later on).

I laid Bry down on the floor in the living room. I decided I would gentle go into the kitchen and remind Cor that he was almost done with his chores. He had one thing left to do. He could decide how long it would take him. It was all I could do to not yell or loose my cool. Gentle whispered in a soft voice (as he was yelling and screaming) that I loved him, was proud he had taken the day to clean his mess, thanked him for taking the responsibility to do so....

and then it happened. Not like any other day or moment of our life. But..it happened. It is a moment in my life where I reply the what ifs over and over...what if I wouldn't have went and talked to him. Did that set him over the edge even more?

As I walked out of the kitchen Cor picked up the dinning room chair and threw it at me. Only he missed. Missed in a really horrible way....the chair landed on Bryant. Not a small chair by anymeans.

Cor raging even more at this point. I'm about to loose my cool even more so at this point. Baby screaming bloody murder. My dh about to loose it on Cor. S'rsly...I took Cor by the arm and told him he needed to stay in his room...handed my dh the phone as I called 911 (usually we just called the non emergency number for our town) and instructed my dh to GO OUTSIDE. I locked myself, Abi and Bry in our bedroom. Bry was hysterical. He was okay. But hysterical. I picked up the phone and called our HT...he was at our house in less than 3 minutes. As I made the choice to leave my babies in the bedroom with him to go deal with Cor - who had know torn the entire living room, his bd apart in a fit of rage...he was upset he hurt his brother. He should be damn it. I made him go outside. I could not have him screaming in the house w/Ab and Bry. They were traumatized enough.

....next.....young officer shows up....not Officer Ron...but a classmate of my brothers.