Saturday, August 20, 2011

We are not alone

I can not express how thankful and blessed I am right now.

I have a dh who suggested we take a road trip to Indiana to meet up with another Soul Sister.  We are hoping to go Labor Day weekend if my work hours match.  I wasnt 100% on board this morning.  He then suggested to go to Chicago.   After some texting back and forth....quick packing and a 2.5 hr family is snoring...and I am laying in a hotel room next to a fellow adoptive family and even better a Soul Sister who gets me! 

We share so much in common.   Even more than both of our families have adopted.  We both know the heartache and pain it has brought on so many different levels.

This is the best therapy around!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Not for the Faint of Heart

Over and over I'm reminded that adoption and disruption is not for the faint of heart.

As a matter of fact it breaks your heart and definately makes your heart even more faint.

Few weeks ago, Cor called his dad (as he does weekly only my dh doesn't answer the calls often) and informed him he was "meeting up with his bio mom and bio sister".  He fed his dad a bunch of "info" that bio birth vessel had filled his head with.  Suchh as " she has been clean, sober, and out of trouble for 10+ years".  That is a crock of shit if I ever heard one.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to look her up on our states court system and find out...numerous domestic battery, numerous restraining orders, numerous prostition, numerous...IN arrests.  She may have not been in prison.  But she sure as hell hasn't stopped A: lying and B: stayed out of trouble.

Whatever. It isn't my problem.  Well, if I make it my problem...I guess it is.

Because I'm gluten for punishment I tend to 'check' up on her on FB.  When you only have 11 FB friends and then this week  you have 12 listed.  It is rather easy to see who your new friend is.

Who might that be?

My former PCP's nurse and aquaintance...someone whom I thought the world of AND our former "puppy class instructor".  Oh' and she is also.....a foster parent and lives in the same town that C lives in.  And......has a picture of Cor in her photos!

Just a lovely day it is!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

I Couldn't Make This Sh*t Up if I Tried...

Every step of the way, I have often thought that there is no way I could make up even half of the bs that has surrounded our 'adoption story'. 

You know the one where you and your spouse go through years of infertility.  Have 4 specialist in 4 years tell you ...Ms _ you will never conceive naturallly.....and then you decide to look into adoption

Only to find out the cost is above and beyond your current ability so you let it sit on the back burner for awhile.  Putting all your faith in the Lord and saying "In HIS time we will move forward.  In HIS time we will become parents.  In HIS time OUR CHILDREN will be brought to this earthly home of ours...."

Only to have the agency you orginally contacted and NEVER filled out any paperwork or even give them  your info....yolu just have them contact you and tell you that YOU were chosen by bio grandparents of a child that WOULD eventually be available for adoption.... 

Then not even a year later have that bio family contact you, in an emergency, and have us take the child for emergency respite. 

ONLY to have that emergency placement become...permanent.

Only...only only only only only......

to have so many wrongs end up making a right.

ONLY to have so many rights....end up being WRONG!!

To have lived your life in such a Christian/Christ-like manner that you were certain this child was your child.  And you believed with all your heart that the Lord had orchistrated a true miracle (which I still do believe) when you found out you were pregnant for your first biological child, only a few short weeks after you signed the intent to adopt paperwork.  Having said ALL ALONG that you would NOT adopt or follow-thru with adopting should we get pregnant before this child was placed w/us permantly for adoption.


Only to have so much that seemed so dang right.  Go so VERY wrong.

I couldn't make this Sh*t up if I tried....

***you know the disruption sh*t.
***you know the constant phone calls to your dh.
***you know the hooking up w/bio mom on FB and ever so often friend requests that you get.
***you know the constant phone calls to your dh that go unanswered.
***you know the pulling into a McD's parking lot....over an hour from your home, on your way to do a photoshoot....ONLY to see this child...whom you have only seen a picture of on your states waiting child listing and his FB profile SEE him walking into McD's for breakfast (or lunch...could have been either bc it was right about that time.)
***you know the phone calls...the ones that happen as I'm responding to a blog comment..just seconds before beginning this post.

Ever so in this last week....I say to myself many times a day...."i couldn't make this shit up if I tried" and a few other things that I will not go into on this blog.