Monday, January 2, 2012

Holidays Came...

and went with muchy more ease than in years past.

I still struggled.  However, not nearly as much as I have in years past

The struggle was more in the realm of other abuse/trauma related to my own childhood.  Things that have never been address.  Clearly...the struggles have been my own personal issues than issues related to our disruption.  Issues related to my own health and the ability to not take any type of RX medication w/o having significant fall out.  I've blogged a great deal on my private depression related blog (this blog is annon.  It does not have private settings.  If you would like the link you need to contact me via comments or email for the address) about the up and mostly down battle that 2011 brought.  It was by far one of the worst years that I've had in the realm of depression and anxiety.  October/November proved to be the toughest of all.  And I came close to being hospitalized after having a medication reaction that set me close to the edge.   

Sure disruption sucks.
Sure  disruption stings.
Sure when I came across the last picture of all 3 kids taken together my gut sank a lil.  But that was it.  I was able to look at it for what it was.  The last picture of all 3 kids together. little pieces is always welcome.

Christmas evening my inlaws and good friend and their families were here.  There was a conversation being had by my friends husband and my SIL.  The conversation almost ended with me going postal.  Initially, I was very hurt.  A few days passed and I mentioned to my friend that her dh was completely clueless about what he was saying. He did not intent on hurting my feelings.  However, his comments were not acceptable at anytime in my home.  She felt horrible and apologized profusely.   My SIL is a bitch.  She knew what she was saying.  She has over and over in the past made hurtful comments about Cor and our disruption and the situation in general. 

This year the child turns 18 years....and somehow the thoughts and feelings surrounding this milestone will need to be dealt with.  I hope and pray that just like the last picture I came across of all 3 children. I will also be able to see it for what it is.  He turns 18...  Please remind me in June....would you?

1 comment:

Jgirl said...

I struggle with some of the same things myself...would you mind emailing me the link to your journal? Daily, I look at a blank page and try to get what I am feeling on paper, to no avail!