A Pair of Shoes

This evening I found this poem on another blog that I read.  This mom has a little girl with down syndrom.  This mom has a little girl with cancer.  This mom posted this poem on the day of her little girls diagnosis last October.

This poem speaks volumes. 

This poem....really talks about how I feel tonight.  As I spoke w/the group home owner tonight in re: to Cor...my shoes really were bothering me. 

This evening those shoes felt like they were ripping my feet apart. 

I hope and pray that the shoes I have worn for the last 10 years can only get a little more comfortable.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each
day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad
that I do not think I can take
another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

I can tell in others eyes that they
are glad they are my shoes and not
theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are
might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes
you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can
never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the
only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some women ache daily as they try
and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in
them so they don't hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that
days will go by before they think about
how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a
stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength
to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a
woman who had a child with R.A.D.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a

woman who had to disrupt her adoption

in order to protect the other children

in her home.

*Author Unknown*

~Life as I Know It~

I've taken a break from my blog over the last year and half.  You may notice there are several blog posts that are no longer published.  Give me some time and they will be back.  One of the main things I am going to be doing is taking the full name of my children out of posts.  There may still be some here and there in the ones that I have choose to publish.

Things have changed quite a bit in our family.  And yet at the same time things are the same.  My oldest will be 15 and youngest will be 12 in August.  J and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary in January of this year.  

The last I knew Cor was headed (or in) prison.  As callus as it might sound...it is a good place for him.  He has a roof over his head and meals provided.  He will be given medication.  He is safe from the outside world.  My family and I are safe.  That my friends is comforting to my heart.  There is healing in knowing we are all safe, for now.

Last September I had the opportunity to attend the Utah Trauma Moms Retreat.  Just as going to Orlando was life changing.  Going to the Utah moms retreat was life changing.  It was something that I needed to do for me.  There was some major upheaval in my life at that time. However, at the end of the retreat it was very clear to me that I would never miss again.  The retreat has changed into something bigger and better.  Hope Rising was born and the dream to bring multiple retreats throughout the United States was born. There is a ton of exciting new things happening.  I'm thankful to be a part of this group ladies.  Who have a mission of truly offering support to families with Reactive Attachment Disorder.  More importantly, a mission of helping each of the moms we support know their true value, self worth, and find healing from the depths of despair.

Recently, I wrote a post called "Beautiful Heartbreak" as a guest blogger.