Saturday, April 25, 2009

April 21, 1999

~~~we finalized our adoption for Corry.

April 22, 1999
~~~we were sealed for eternity in the Chicago LDS Temple.

April 23, 2008
~~~first "When Love was Not Enough" post.

This week we received a phone all (my dh did) from the new SW at the new residential facility where Corry was recently placed at. A few days later Cor called him.

This evening, we received a phone call from the phone number of the last placement. The person who initially contacted us back in January.

My daughter answered the call. The person on the other end hung up. I called the number back. The group home owner stated that his 2 yr old son was playing w/his phone and accidently called us. He apologized profusely. The proceeded to talk and talk....

J' feel quite abit of guilt from having the placement fail. He also has quite abit of anger from the damage that was done while Cor was in his group home (anger because he couldn't help him).

For the first time in 2 1/2 yrs - I spoke with someone who has had direct contact with this child. I have a ton of things swirling in my head.

One of the questions that I've had or worried about for several years was...

"Will we be the target of his anger? Will he seek revenge on our family? This child has sociopath thinking and behaviors (no joke folks) and this has been forever on the forefront of my mind"

I asked J' what he thought.

He said with an absolute resounding NO...he adores you, your dh, your children. He have genuine remorse for hurting you and your children. He hates the State and I can forsee him walking into a state facility and bearing arms and hurting someone or many people....

While that made me feel a bit of hope and relief, it also really makes me feel worse. Worse to know that the things I've thought are true...that this child has and will have the capibility of killing someone. He talks about it daily. He threatened this man and those around him over and over...

I know we did the right thing. I know that we did our best. I know that my heart still hurts and misses that lil blonde haired tiny lil 4 yr old who sat across from the judge that day 10 yrs ago and told her "THIS is my NEW mom and DAD and BABY (pointing to my belly). Everyone thought it was so cute that he emphasized "dad and baby" leaving me out....

If only I knew that day...

What I know now.

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