Thursday, September 11, 2008

Headaches and Triggers

On my other blog I posted a blurb about my "headaches".

This morning something happened that really triggered a headache. It ticks me off because it was so honest and not meant in any harm at all.

I was at Panera wasting time between my bus routes and was online for a bit. I decided to eat lunch there. I didn't realize they would boot me off or I would not have paid a near fortune for my lunch there.

The person that waited one me was a guy that I used to take care care of (and his ex-girlfriend). He was asking about my family. He has developmental disabilities and is pretty "with it" so to speak. He asked how old, what grade and how Corry was doing. Corry was 5 when we lived w/him and Heather. He remembered him and was quite fond of him. How do you explain in a "very few moments", to a man with developmental disabilities, while you are ordering food that he is no longer our child, that we terminate dour parental rights, that he lives (least that I know of) in a residential treatment facility? You don' isn't possible. I smiled and said "Corry is no longer our child. He lives in a treatment facility".

The look on Pete's face was shock. He didn't understand. He wanted to know more. He wanted to ask questions but because of the "place' he couldn't. Quite frankly, I have to admit that I am glad.

At the time...not big deal. I went on to eat my lunch and just as I was sitting there I really felt overwhelming saddness, guilt, and all kinds of other things. My head began to hurt like it has every other day. UGH...

I know that there are no real magical answers. I know that my dr. appt. tmw wil not be the magical cure. Yet, I'm really need to figure this out. I can't keep getting this horrible headaches. One of these days my head will put a hole int he wall and then hurt even worse.

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