Just some thoughts 4 tonight

11 years ago this weekend...we received that 'phone call' that changed our lives forever.

11 years ago this weekend...we received that 'phone call' that made us parents to the cutest lil blonde hair'd 4 yr old ever...(of course I'm biased)

3 yrs ago last weekend...our parental rights were terminated to that little (well...not so little) blonde hair'd boy that changed my life forever....

Bitter Sweet.

Truly.

Bitter Sweet.

3 Years...

Several months ago Christine posted http://www.welcometomybrain.net/2009/01/when-adoption-must-disrupt.html on her blog. 

 

She spoke volumes to me that day.  She may/may not have know it.  But she did.  At a particularly tough time...it was the hug my heart needed.  There have been many days since that day in January...I have went back and re-read that post. 

 

Tonight, 3 yrs to the day after our disruption was finalized....

 

I went back and re-read the post!

 

Because today...my heart needed to read it.  To know that someone else gets it. 

 

So often in my life, as it is today...many people don't know about our disruption.  Earlier this week I had contact w/some women who didn't know we had another child.  As I started to mention Cor...it became painfully obvious that it wasn't something that A: could be understood and B: could be discussed...becaus of A.  Both of these 'incidents' occured with people who know we have 3 children at home. 

 

I'm often asked how many children I have. (My new work schedule has brought me in contact w/a TON of co-workers I've never had contact with before). 

 

Do I answer "2 biological and 1 foster"? 
Do I answer "3 children w/2 @ home and 1 foster daughter?"
Do I answer "I have 2 boys and 2 girls - 1 of the girls is a foster child?"

When a comment is made about the loss of a loved one.....

 

Do you answer "I've btdt..."
Do you just nod and know in your heart..."that this person could NEVER understand the extent of your heartache..."

 

These are all things that I still struggle with.  These are things that every single day go through my head...over...and...over...and..over!!

 

Then, like today...I am also reminded that not only 3 yrs ago today was I officially marked in the court system of the State of ___..I am no longer Cor's mom.  I am also reminded that 11 years ago...in a few short days..."I became a mom to this very same child..."

 

 

Challenges

This morning I saw this picture on the Livesay blog  (  http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/ ) .  For some reason it really struck a chord with me and seemed so fitting - for me, for specific family members, friends, ect ect....

 

How often have those who live near me, talk to me often, ect ect... heard me say "I knew this ____ would be hard...but I never knew how hard"  or for "how long"....

 

My morning kind of sums up 'how long, how bad, how frequent'.  I know that there is end insight.  Just like the Livesay's know that maybe tmw will be a better day.  As I left work this morning I truly had a defeated feeling that this is never going to get better.  What in the same hell have I got myself in to?  As I drove away from Metro - I saw a bus here and a bus there and the more city busses I saw the more I truly was able to remember the end is in sight...so much closer than I could have ever imagined.  

 

This picture holds true to so many situations in so many of our lives.  Things we knew would be tough.  But 2, 3, 4 years later we find ourselves thinking "wow...I didn't know...."

 

Anyway, that is my speil for the morning.  I'm off to take a nap...I hope! Before returning to work this afternoon.  Sometime in the next 30 min. I fully expect 3 little children (well they aren't that little anymore) to come barging in the door, full of life, full of noise, full of everything....and then my attempt to take a nap will end.  But, that is okay.

 

Because I knew having children would be a challenge. 

A CHALLENGE that I am soooo greatful I have been given the opportunity to have!!

 

Love, Gala 

Happy Birthday Bryant

Seems like just yesterday my baby boy entered this world. 

 

He isn't a baby anymore.

 

He is full of life.  So very full of life.  He was healthy.  He did not have any chromosone defects as we were told he would have.  He was ALL mine..

He is loud.

He is gentle.

He recently got his ear piereced.
His favorite color is pink.

 

He put on one heck of a show this evening at Texas Roadhouse. 

 

Flowers

Here are some more pics...of some flowers....

 

Click on this Link-Olbrich Flowers

 

Love, Gala

--
When I stand before God at the
end of my life I would hope that
I would have not a single bit of
talent left and could say,
"I used everything you gave me."
~Erma Bombeck

Happy Birthday Abigayle

10 Years ago today my life changed forever!!!

 

I can not even begin to describe the joy and wonder-ment that filled my heart the very second that my surgeon/obgyn said "You have your girl..." 

We didn't know that Abigayle was a girl.  I did know that I did not want anything with having a boy.  I had adopted a little boy the year before who hated me and didn't want me to be his mom. 

As my obgyn sewed my big belly back up, he kept sayiing "you are just fine Gala.  There is no need to cry.  You need to stop shaking.  Are you cold?"

I was shaking because the very moment so much changed.  So very much at that very second.  The tears were tears of pure love and excitement.  The shaking was just the same.

 

My baby had struggle.  Thus, an emergency C-Section.  She was crying. She had good Apgar scores.  She had a great deal of vernex (coating) still left on her.  The questions of 'how premature is this baby" were swirling before she was even taken out of that operating room and fear of is she okay started to sink in.  However, nothing left me prepared for what was going to happen over the next several moments/hours/years....

Nothing mattered.  Not a dang thing.  My baby girl was here, she was breathing.  She was full of life. 

 

I wish I had the time this afternoon before going to work to find the CD of my very favorite pictures.  I have 3 pics that truly explain so much that were taken those first few moments/hour of her life.  I will find the CD and maybe post them tonight when I get home from work or tmw...

 

What I will say is this...

One of those pics my mom had blown up into an 8x10 the by 8am the next morning.  If ONLY she knew what was going threw her baby girls mind as she blew that picture up...

 

As I laid in recovery holding by newborn baby girl. Making eye contact the first time.  I was overcome by some pretty strong feelings.  Feelings of love, most definately.  But feelings of pure and utter hatred.  Hatred towards the people who hurt my son.  S'rsly...as I looked at her and cried it wasn't tears for her but for him.  How anyone could give birth to such a wonderful spirit and then hurt them the way that he had been hurt.  I haven't shared that moment with many people.  Today, I still think about that moment. The moment that I tried envisioning what it was like for my then 5 yr old son, when he entered this world...I mourned that loss for him. 

 

As the weeks and months followed.  We loved on our precious little girl.  Her big brother loved her so very much.  He still does. I know in my heart that the bond that he had w/her was the very first true attachment he ever had.

 

Regardless, that day forever changed who I am. 

 

check back tmw or the next day as I will try to post pictures.  It is my goal to do a photoshoot w/my kids tmw.  hahaha we will see how that goes.  :)

Regardless....we shall see.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my BABY GIRL...

 

ABIGAYLE MINNETTE

 

 

Addition to Our Family

It is late and I really don't have the energy or time to re-write this post.

Please visit "MY OTHER BLOG" (click on link) to see what I'm talking about..