Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Happy Birthday Abigayle

10 Years ago today my life changed forever!!!
I can not even begin to describe the joy and wonder-ment that filled my heart the very second that my surgeon/obgyn said "You have your girl..." 

We didn't know that Abigayle was a girl.  I did know that I did not want anything with having a boy.  I had adopted a little boy the year before who hated me and didn't want me to be his mom. 

As my obgyn sewed my big belly back up, he kept sayiing "you are just fine Gala.  There is no need to cry.  You need to stop shaking.  Are you cold?"

I was shaking because the very moment so much changed.  So very much at that very second.  The tears were tears of pure love and excitement.  The shaking was just the same.
My baby had struggle.  Thus, an emergency C-Section.  She was crying. She had good Apgar scores.  She had a great deal of vernex (coating) still left on her.  The questions of 'how premature is this baby" were swirling before she was even taken out of that operating room and fear of is she okay started to sink in.  However, nothing left me prepared for what was going to happen over the next several moments/hours/years....

Nothing mattered.  Not a dang thing.  My baby girl was here, she was breathing.  She was full of life. 
I wish I had the time this afternoon before going to work to find the CD of my very favorite pictures.  I have 3 pics that truly explain so much that were taken those first few moments/hour of her life.  I will find the CD and maybe post them tonight when I get home from work or tmw...
What I will say is this...

One of those pics my mom had blown up into an 8x10 the by 8am the next morning.  If ONLY she knew what was going threw her baby girls mind as she blew that picture up...
As I laid in recovery holding by newborn baby girl. Making eye contact the first time.  I was overcome by some pretty strong feelings.  Feelings of love, most definately.  But feelings of pure and utter hatred.  Hatred towards the people who hurt my son.  S'rsly...as I looked at her and cried it wasn't tears for her but for him.  How anyone could give birth to such a wonderful spirit and then hurt them the way that he had been hurt.  I haven't shared that moment with many people.  Today, I still think about that moment. The moment that I tried envisioning what it was like for my then 5 yr old son, when he entered this world...I mourned that loss for him. 
As the weeks and months followed.  We loved on our precious little girl.  Her big brother loved her so very much.  He still does. I know in my heart that the bond that he had w/her was the very first true attachment he ever had.
Regardless, that day forever changed who I am. 
check back tmw or the next day as I will try to post pictures.  It is my goal to do a photoshoot w/my kids tmw.  hahaha we will see how that goes.  :)

Regardless....we shall see.



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