I know that my last few posts haven't been the nicest.
Last week knowing that the downward cycle was increasing I decided to try and take a vacation day that would give me a 3 day weekend.
Today was my first day off. Even though last week I was given 3 days off (actually 4) it didn't give me time to plan so forth.
Today I got a french manicure. I hate it. My fingers hurt. Well, they hurt because i've picked my nails so bad over the last week (and months/years) and now that i have these pretty white tips...well they are annoying. My typing speed of 70+ words per minute....it is now down to about oh 20 if that. It's killing me. The pinky nails were so bad that the man that did them told me he thought they would come off by tonight. Still on. I took my sweet Abi with me and she got her nails painted very pretty w/a floral design. She was sick with high temps yesterday. Fine today.
Then I had a therapy appt. Something she's told me many times (and my pdoc) is there is a different tone in the color of my eyes when I'm doing good vs bad. Anyway, she was pretty adament that the blue coloring in my eyes is/was much brighter. Unlike last week.
I am trying to plan and take care of me. Trying to remember that Corry's bd is just that. I will enjoy mine. I will not allow his birthday to make or break mine.
It is what it is....
TILL IT ISN'T.
Tomorrow we have some errands and so such to do.
Then on Thursday we are planning a trip to Noah's Ark or 6 Flags Great America.
Spending every minute that I can with my family. Making the best of every moment. Trying like h*ll to stay out of that deep dark place of grief and anger.