Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Today is...

...just as Diana stated to me in an reply and email - a new day.

Life isn't magically better. Is it ever?  It is a new day. With below zero (almost) temps.

And somehow, just like I do every year and every time this lil whoa is me pity party of missing Cor comes along...I manage to get to the end of the rough patch. Not always very gracefully. Not always with love in my heart and actions. There is 1 specific person that I tend to call during the bad days like I had yesterday. I didn't call this person. Came close. Didn't. Not that I didn't need to. Just, I did not have it in me. I came close this morning. Why? Why waste this person time or mine? Because ultimately.....it is the same crap that I've dug through for awhile.  And I'm sure my therapist is glad to not hear from me on a day when I'm not scheduled to be there.

So...it is just another day!

4 comments:

Corey said...

I'm not glad that what happened with Cor (or Nia) happened. I'm not glad that what happened with "Daniel" happened.

I am glad that you started your blog, because you were here when I started to think about disruption, and I needed you.

And I am thankful for you, because you are my friend, and my sister, and if it wasn't for all of this shit, I wouldn't know you.

I'll never be glad for all that we've been through. But I will be glad for you and me. Love you, girl.

Story of our Life said...

Corey...thank you! (((Hugs)))

Diana said...

Love you, my friend!

It's natural and perfectly normal for all of us to miss those who aren't in our life anymore most at Christmas. I believe this is why so many of our kids have such a hard time around the holidays. They, too, miss people who aren't in their lives anymore. They might have been schmucks who hurt our kids deeply, but our kids still loved (love) them in spite of it. That's just the way kids are wired. It just is.

With that love also comes a huge sense of loss...and a realization of what those schmucks did to them. Cue the anger, grief, confusion, overwhelm, and sadness.

Be gentle with yourself. Christmas isn't a Norman Rockwell post card. It isn't a cheesy Hallmark movie. Sometimes it comes with hurt, loss, grief, and disappointment.

God knew it would. He knew that all of life would. That's WHY He sent His perfect son. It's why he allowed him to be born in the most humble of circumstances. It's why he sent him to live among the common people, yet he was mighty enough to be sought after and worshipped by the most elect.

Because we would need hope and we would need someone to advocate with us, He allowed his son to "sweat as it were great drops of blood from every pore." God could have stopped that suffering. He has the power to do so. But he didn't. He loved the rest of us enough not to. Christ paid the terrible price for all our sins...yours, mine, and even those who hurt our children and our families. And He did it alone, even to the point that for a brief time, His Father, God, withdrew his spirit and turned away causing his son, his perfect and sinless son to cry out during his most intense agony "my God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

Christ did what he did alone so we don't have to. We don't have to carry the load of pain and grief ourselves. Even though there are days that are dark...very, very dark, we have not been left alone. His hand is still extended to us. Reach up, take it, and let Him heal your heart. :-)

http://lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng

"Joy to the world, the Lord is come. Let earth RECIEVE her king!"

Story of our Life said...

Thank you Diana!! As you said last night "tmw is a new day....and TMW will be a new day".

You just keep on reminding me what a bummer it was/is that we weren't able to get up to see you!

Love ya,
Gala