Saturday, August 16, 2008

I wonder....

if C knows how much I think about him....

if C knows how much my heart aches for him....

if C knows how sorry I am that I could not be his forever mommy...

if C knows how there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him...


I wonder....


if C has a forever family?

if C will play football this fall?


I wonder...


how long this void will be in my heart?

how long I will have this constant heart ache?

how long I will miss him?


I wonder...


if we will ever be able to adopt again?

if this experience will haunt me for the rest of my life?

if my husband longs to hold, talk, kiss, parent C?


I wonder.....


about many things.....

1 comment:

Kathy C. said...

I visit my son 3-4 times a year, occasionally take him somewhere for a weekend but he is so detattched. I could be anyone. I have to remind myself that he does not think like I do. There is nothing in him that says, "This is my mom and that is a special relationship." He just gives me a list of what he needs and takes advantage of whatever activity we are doing. It's sad.

I started at the beginning of your story yesterday and am slowly reading through it. What I am suppose to be doing is writing a 365 devotion book for preteen girls. : )