More on "Our Story"....

I've posted this before as kind of a "leave off"from where I was at on writing about our journey. At times i need to take a break because the emotions and feelings tend to be to much.

So today...I'll post about something that has been on my mind. Something that I try very hard to think about. Something that brings smiles to my face...because in reality....it is the positive memories that we need to remember. The good times.

"The Good Days"

It was very hard for me to think about disruption. Mostly because I was in denial, afraid of what others would think of 'me', because there were many many days that were good.

Cor loved to help me. He loved to cook. He loved to clean. From the very beginning he would ask "Can I do the dishes? Can I do this....Can I do that....Can I help cook....?"

My 2 bio children love to cook. Looking back that made Cor no different than a "normal" child. Right? No really.

Cor loved the P.ackers. He LOVED B.rett Favre. James' dream was to take him to a P.acker game. He never got to do that with him. We took him to the stadium and museum one year. He was about 5 almost 6 yrs old.

The kid could draw. I mean - REALLY draw. Shortly before he was hospitalized in the psych hospital I found a very good drawing of a deer, fawn, hunter and tree in Abi's room ON HER WALL. Done in pencil. When I questioned her how it got there (I knew) she said "Isn't it pretty mom...it is a picture that Cor drew for me." Of course I didn't think it was pretty. My immediate reaction was WTH...it is the WALL. Can't you draw something so nice and put it on PAPER my son...? When Ii talked to him about it he had a very logical reasoning. Really...what 7 yr old wouldn't think that..."I want Abi to always remember the picture I drew for her." Needless to say what happened next didn't go over very well. You can probaby guess.

Cor loved the water AFTER we made him go to swim lessons. He loved it before. He wouldn't put his face under. Once he got over that he was sooo good and did great in swimming.

When I was pregnant with Abi he was sooo excited. He truly loved Abi. Even though he turned and started hurting her. I know it was the illness/disease that was 'hurting' Abi. I know that he truly loved her deep in his heart. He was always very protective of her. He was always very sad and/or upset when she was sick or would get hurt.

He didn't have that bond with Bryant. He wasn't around him long enough to gain that bond. He regressed to a point that it wasn't in "his" best interest to expose him to Bry. I pretty much didn't' let him go near him unless I was right there.

I hope and pray that those good days/positive moments that we had together will remain with not only myself but also for him. He will remember that I loved him. I would give my life for him. I fought for him till the very end.