I decided to "write" this now instead of waiting 'till I get to that point in our story. It will make more sense as I might post different things on how I am feeling or what not.
For those of you who know our "story" C was in a RTC for some time before a TPR went through. The state of WI has this "un-official" law that children who are in state custody (aka...foster home or residential treatment centers or psych hospitals) regardless of the reason there is a "time limit". Once a JIPS or CHIPS (our case a JIPS) is in place then there is a "15 out of 24 mo" limit as to how long a child can "technically" be in either a FH, RTC, ect ect.
That is not really t he "law". How do I know this? Our SW from the county told us that. He told us that as long as C it was felt that C was not re-adoptable than we could remain guardians - his parents and he could remain in RTC, Group Home or Treatment Foster care.
We said ALL ALONG that if the foster family he was with was interested in adopting him than we would voluntarily terminate. We wanted what was best for him. We were told that this was not an option. We were told that he was 'no considered to be re-adoptable due to the severity of his R.A.D and behaviors.
Well, something happened. Minds were changed. We didn't agree. We didn't fight. We had no fight left. Financially, we were not able to fight. Emotionally we were not able to fight. We just had to say "enough" and "let go and let God"....
It was a very dark time in my life. I will elaborate more later on.
My point I want to get across is that we were not supportive of this. We did not want to terminate. We only wanted this as last case scenario. We were told "he is now considered to be re-adoptable". We later found out that not only was he "not doing good" but the "foster family was no longer interested in adopting him". IF and I repeat IF we had been told this....things would have changed drastically in how I have felt about this situation. At least there would be closure.
Instead - he has not been adopted. He doesn't have a mommy or a daddy. He is an almost 14 yr old orphan.
Sometimes life just sucks!!
Monday, April 28, 2008
What was I Thinking????
Some times we do/say things that later make us think "What was I thinking by doing that?"
Today, I did something that has me thinking on those same lines.
It isn't anything bad or that could get me in trouble. It was just something that has made my heart ache ever since.
I will not go in to details on "how" I found out.
However, I will say this.... The child whom we were told was "re-adoptable" has not been "re-adopted".
Is this a surprise to me? BIG FAT NOOOOOOO!!!
Is he better off now as an orphan? BIG FAT NOOOOOOOO!!!
Do I feel better with this information? BIG FAT NOOOOOOO!!!
Today, I did something that has me thinking on those same lines.
It isn't anything bad or that could get me in trouble. It was just something that has made my heart ache ever since.
I will not go in to details on "how" I found out.
However, I will say this.... The child whom we were told was "re-adoptable" has not been "re-adopted".
Is this a surprise to me? BIG FAT NOOOOOOO!!!
Is he better off now as an orphan? BIG FAT NOOOOOOOO!!!
Do I feel better with this information? BIG FAT NOOOOOOO!!!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Living in Las Vegas
While in LV we were only 4-5 hrs away from where my inlaws lived in Utah. We were able to visit a few times.
While there we had to find jobs. The jobs we had originally been offered were not available by the time we got there. Due to the 9-11 attacks there were not the tourists as normal.
I found a job in a daycare center. I hated it. A hated it. It was however, an income and so it worked.
We talked often about having C come back home. He was doing good. Maybe things were getting bette for him? Maybe he was outgrowing this "stuff". Maybe...Maybe..>Maybe...
Then the stress of everything started to really pull us apart.
What was about to happen next was about to change things - drastically.
The stress nearly ended or marriage.
As I sat on my bedroom flooring sobbing in praer to my Father in Heaven "how could this happen"..."How can I call my parents and tell them..." ..."How am I going to tell my husband....I want a divorce and BTW...."
I'm pregnant.
Yep...the person who would not get pregnant on her own after how many specialists and tests....
Is now pregnant again. It wasn't confirmed. I knew...I just knew!!
That night when James crawled in bed I told him something to the effect..."I'm not sure how I am going to get threw this....I have no clue how our marriage is going to survive... It has to. "
silence
"I'm Pregnant"...
No more silence.
The next day I went and sat for 3 hours in a Las Vegas Urgent Care. That morning I told James that I needed to go to the doctor. He knew I was sick because..>I really was. And so there we went. It was confirmed. Not only did I have pneumonia but I was pregnant. This was few weeks before Christmas.
We went and spent Christmas in Utah w/C and James' family. Actually, we were there the weekend before. Christmas was on a Tue. I think that year. We went from Th-Sunday. Because of my work.
As we drove back to LV we stopped in St. George. We had a very ill 2 yr old. I was very homesick and also sick pregnant. (Most of my pregnancy w/A I spent on bedrest). We stopped at a restaurant that Sunday night and as my baby puked and puked and puked and was as limp as could be I cried w/her. Cried because I missed the "doctors" from back home. Because my baby had been sick since we moved there. Life sucked. We were there for Corry... We didn't want to be "too close" but enough so we could see him.
It wasn't working.
That night Sunday night as we drove into Las Vegas James dropped me off at the ER w/A. He took our then stupid dog home and came back to the ER. I argued w/the ER pediatrician that he couldn't admit my baby to the hospital. I was in this horrible city, by myself (my good friend Misty had not moved there yet) and it was Christmas... He made us promise to bring her back the next few days for xrays and for breathing treatments. It would cost us $50 p/ER visit but we would do it...if it meant we could stay at home w'/our little girl. She had pnemonia and was very ill. We nursed her at home and she did get better
I called my mom that night and told her we wanted to come home. We were thinking about it. We were not 100% but we were thinking about it.
The next day my work gave me crap...so I quit on the spot. James called the hospital where he worked here in WI. His 'old' boss was on vacation. She listened to her messages on Christmas Eve and was ecstatic to get his call. She told him "When you get back here...the job is yours. When do you want to start?" he had ag reat job with great benies at the state of wi...
We arrived back in WI 2 weeks later. My parents flew to LV and helped us move back. It was a long 2 day drive that included us being in an accident 20 miles outside of LV...My parents nearly killing my husband. But we did it....we got moved back.
Our plans to have c come back to live w/us ended at that point. Until we could figure things out further. I needed to get threw my pregnancy. I actually needed to go to the doctor and make sure things were going okay. I had been put on bed rest in LV for bleeding. So we would consider our plan for him at a later date.
I felt good though...because he was 'supposedly' doing good w/my in laws.
6 yrs later...We have a sweet little 5 1/2 yr old...more on him some other time.
While there we had to find jobs. The jobs we had originally been offered were not available by the time we got there. Due to the 9-11 attacks there were not the tourists as normal.
I found a job in a daycare center. I hated it. A hated it. It was however, an income and so it worked.
We talked often about having C come back home. He was doing good. Maybe things were getting bette for him? Maybe he was outgrowing this "stuff". Maybe...Maybe..>Maybe...
Then the stress of everything started to really pull us apart.
What was about to happen next was about to change things - drastically.
The stress nearly ended or marriage.
As I sat on my bedroom flooring sobbing in praer to my Father in Heaven "how could this happen"..."How can I call my parents and tell them..." ..."How am I going to tell my husband....I want a divorce and BTW...."
I'm pregnant.
Yep...the person who would not get pregnant on her own after how many specialists and tests....
Is now pregnant again. It wasn't confirmed. I knew...I just knew!!
That night when James crawled in bed I told him something to the effect..."I'm not sure how I am going to get threw this....I have no clue how our marriage is going to survive... It has to. "
silence
"I'm Pregnant"...
No more silence.
The next day I went and sat for 3 hours in a Las Vegas Urgent Care. That morning I told James that I needed to go to the doctor. He knew I was sick because..>I really was. And so there we went. It was confirmed. Not only did I have pneumonia but I was pregnant. This was few weeks before Christmas.
We went and spent Christmas in Utah w/C and James' family. Actually, we were there the weekend before. Christmas was on a Tue. I think that year. We went from Th-Sunday. Because of my work.
As we drove back to LV we stopped in St. George. We had a very ill 2 yr old. I was very homesick and also sick pregnant. (Most of my pregnancy w/A I spent on bedrest). We stopped at a restaurant that Sunday night and as my baby puked and puked and puked and was as limp as could be I cried w/her. Cried because I missed the "doctors" from back home. Because my baby had been sick since we moved there. Life sucked. We were there for Corry... We didn't want to be "too close" but enough so we could see him.
It wasn't working.
That night Sunday night as we drove into Las Vegas James dropped me off at the ER w/A. He took our then stupid dog home and came back to the ER. I argued w/the ER pediatrician that he couldn't admit my baby to the hospital. I was in this horrible city, by myself (my good friend Misty had not moved there yet) and it was Christmas... He made us promise to bring her back the next few days for xrays and for breathing treatments. It would cost us $50 p/ER visit but we would do it...if it meant we could stay at home w'/our little girl. She had pnemonia and was very ill. We nursed her at home and she did get better
I called my mom that night and told her we wanted to come home. We were thinking about it. We were not 100% but we were thinking about it.
The next day my work gave me crap...so I quit on the spot. James called the hospital where he worked here in WI. His 'old' boss was on vacation. She listened to her messages on Christmas Eve and was ecstatic to get his call. She told him "When you get back here...the job is yours. When do you want to start?" he had ag reat job with great benies at the state of wi...
We arrived back in WI 2 weeks later. My parents flew to LV and helped us move back. It was a long 2 day drive that included us being in an accident 20 miles outside of LV...My parents nearly killing my husband. But we did it....we got moved back.
Our plans to have c come back to live w/us ended at that point. Until we could figure things out further. I needed to get threw my pregnancy. I actually needed to go to the doctor and make sure things were going okay. I had been put on bed rest in LV for bleeding. So we would consider our plan for him at a later date.
I felt good though...because he was 'supposedly' doing good w/my in laws.
6 yrs later...We have a sweet little 5 1/2 yr old...more on him some other time.
"Come Get Him....OR....
He will be admitted to the psych unit.
This was the email and then phone call we received from the treatment foster family.
After 2 months he had wore the reins out. The family who once talked to us about adopting him...now was saying he needed to go.
Our health insurance would not cover him out of state. There was no way he could be placed in the hospital. The SN Subsidy and SSDI had not been approved yet.
So James took off to go get him.
Things were no different. We had a 6 yr old who hated us and did everything possible to try and hurt us and his sister.
My MIL and FIL offered to let him come live with them. My inlaws moved from NY to UT. My FIL came via WI and picked C up and off they went. We agreed upon a set amount of $ a month. And from there we paid them to care for him. We couldn't do it. It was devastating. I had no clue what to do.
We decided to move to Las Vegas (from WI) since C was in UT. I have NEVER wanted to live in Utah...nor will I. I had a friend whose daughter came around the same time my FIL picked C up and she was our babysitter/nanny. They lived in San Jose, CA and were moving to LV also. SO that sounded like a good thing for us.
On Sept. 9, 2001 I flew to CA and spent the next month with my friend Misty. C was in UT. We went to LV and I looked for jobs and apartments.
The end of Oct '01 we packed up and moved to LV. Full of fear, faith and on a prayer.
We had a place to live. Our jobs were no longer there when we got there. On our way there we went threw Utah and saw C and James' parents.
They told us everything was wonderful. He was doing well in school. They had only "one" incident and everything else was great.
This was the email and then phone call we received from the treatment foster family.
After 2 months he had wore the reins out. The family who once talked to us about adopting him...now was saying he needed to go.
Our health insurance would not cover him out of state. There was no way he could be placed in the hospital. The SN Subsidy and SSDI had not been approved yet.
So James took off to go get him.
Things were no different. We had a 6 yr old who hated us and did everything possible to try and hurt us and his sister.
My MIL and FIL offered to let him come live with them. My inlaws moved from NY to UT. My FIL came via WI and picked C up and off they went. We agreed upon a set amount of $ a month. And from there we paid them to care for him. We couldn't do it. It was devastating. I had no clue what to do.
We decided to move to Las Vegas (from WI) since C was in UT. I have NEVER wanted to live in Utah...nor will I. I had a friend whose daughter came around the same time my FIL picked C up and she was our babysitter/nanny. They lived in San Jose, CA and were moving to LV also. SO that sounded like a good thing for us.
On Sept. 9, 2001 I flew to CA and spent the next month with my friend Misty. C was in UT. We went to LV and I looked for jobs and apartments.
The end of Oct '01 we packed up and moved to LV. Full of fear, faith and on a prayer.
We had a place to live. Our jobs were no longer there when we got there. On our way there we went threw Utah and saw C and James' parents.
They told us everything was wonderful. He was doing well in school. They had only "one" incident and everything else was great.
SSDI and Special Needs Adoption Funding
Corry was at the respite home for a little over a month. Close to 2 months. It was planned that he woudl be there for approx 3-6 months. At which time we were hoping that the SSDI would be approved. As well as the State of WI Special Needs Adoption Subsidy.
We were in the process of apply for the SN Subsidy for sometime. The State of WI tried sayiing it was a"private adoption" because we knew the grandparents. True we knew them. But we did not seek them out. they saught out the agency and told them to contact us. It was a long drawn out battle. In the process we had to get the agency involved. As I've mentioned before the agencfy wasn't the most helpful.
The social worker we worked with ahd been moved to another state. In my opinion (ever so humble as it might be) feel it did have something to do w/our case. Then again...at this point who cares. I surely don't. It is what it is...they didn't do their job 100% and in the end our son suffered...we suffered...our entire family suffered. Whatever.
Anyway, one day we get this letter in the mail. It was a "copy" of the letter that was sent to the State of Wi. Special Needs Adoption Department.. I will never forget reading that letter. I still have it somewhere. Every time I read it - it sends chills up my spine, tears come ten fold and I can't help but become a mess.. I will not post what it said exactly because I don't want to become a blubbering mess by having to get it out.
Basically the content was this....
"HAD WE AS AN AGENCY KNEW THE EXTENT OF CORRY'S PROBLEMS, DISABILITY AND ISSUES PRIOR TO PLACEMENT WITH THE G____ FAMILY WE WOULD HAVE NEVER RECCOMMENDED PLACEMENT. "
I read that letter and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My son was currently 12-14 hr car ride away. He was not doing well in the home he was at. Which was bitter sweet (more on that later). We were contemplating a TPR at that point w/the family who were doing respite for us.
This is the same agency who knew that there was problems. This is the same agency who knew this kid was crapping in cupboards, who knew that he was threatening to kill me, my unborn child, the same child who was urniating in toy boxes, the same child who I called them about nearly every single week because I was at a loss of what to do. This is the same agency who after receiving these calls sent us to their psychologist for an evaluation. This is the same agency who decided to let us finalize our adoption 6 months earlier than the agencies regular timeline because I was prg and due around the same time...and they wanted to make sure we finalized.
Can I just be un-Christ-like right now and say "asshats"!!
They Knew....
They knew....
They can not tell me they did not know!!!
Not only did they place 2 NEWBORN ADOPTIONS FROM THE SAME BIRTH MOTHER but they were aware of her exteneded history. And failed to tell us! Sure we knew she had "issues" Sure we knew she had a history of drug abuse. We were told she was placed in patient her entire pregnancy but the first month or so and then the last few weeks.
UGH!!
Needless to say not only did the SSDI get approved on the FIRST application but we won our suit against the state of wi special needs adoption division.
Does this not smell of bad fumes to you? We were approved for the largest amount of financial subsidy that the state of wi pays for SN Adoptions... This includes larger than children in a wheelchair, g-tube fed and other serious health infractions. Our therapist was shocked...we were shocked. Looking back...the state knew we had a wrongful adoption .
We were in the process of apply for the SN Subsidy for sometime. The State of WI tried sayiing it was a"private adoption" because we knew the grandparents. True we knew them. But we did not seek them out. they saught out the agency and told them to contact us. It was a long drawn out battle. In the process we had to get the agency involved. As I've mentioned before the agencfy wasn't the most helpful.
The social worker we worked with ahd been moved to another state. In my opinion (ever so humble as it might be) feel it did have something to do w/our case. Then again...at this point who cares. I surely don't. It is what it is...they didn't do their job 100% and in the end our son suffered...we suffered...our entire family suffered. Whatever.
Anyway, one day we get this letter in the mail. It was a "copy" of the letter that was sent to the State of Wi. Special Needs Adoption Department.. I will never forget reading that letter. I still have it somewhere. Every time I read it - it sends chills up my spine, tears come ten fold and I can't help but become a mess.. I will not post what it said exactly because I don't want to become a blubbering mess by having to get it out.
Basically the content was this....
"HAD WE AS AN AGENCY KNEW THE EXTENT OF CORRY'S PROBLEMS, DISABILITY AND ISSUES PRIOR TO PLACEMENT WITH THE G____ FAMILY WE WOULD HAVE NEVER RECCOMMENDED PLACEMENT. "
I read that letter and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My son was currently 12-14 hr car ride away. He was not doing well in the home he was at. Which was bitter sweet (more on that later). We were contemplating a TPR at that point w/the family who were doing respite for us.
This is the same agency who knew that there was problems. This is the same agency who knew this kid was crapping in cupboards, who knew that he was threatening to kill me, my unborn child, the same child who was urniating in toy boxes, the same child who I called them about nearly every single week because I was at a loss of what to do. This is the same agency who after receiving these calls sent us to their psychologist for an evaluation. This is the same agency who decided to let us finalize our adoption 6 months earlier than the agencies regular timeline because I was prg and due around the same time...and they wanted to make sure we finalized.
Can I just be un-Christ-like right now and say "asshats"!!
They Knew....
They knew....
They can not tell me they did not know!!!
Not only did they place 2 NEWBORN ADOPTIONS FROM THE SAME BIRTH MOTHER but they were aware of her exteneded history. And failed to tell us! Sure we knew she had "issues" Sure we knew she had a history of drug abuse. We were told she was placed in patient her entire pregnancy but the first month or so and then the last few weeks.
UGH!!
Needless to say not only did the SSDI get approved on the FIRST application but we won our suit against the state of wi special needs adoption division.
Does this not smell of bad fumes to you? We were approved for the largest amount of financial subsidy that the state of wi pays for SN Adoptions... This includes larger than children in a wheelchair, g-tube fed and other serious health infractions. Our therapist was shocked...we were shocked. Looking back...the state knew we had a wrongful adoption .
Thursday, April 24, 2008
This Stinks!!
As I said in the beginning of writing this I was doing it for me...myself...and...I.
It is a way for me to write what our time was with Corry. The good and the bad. I feel like it is so much bad. I told someone today that "there were more good than bad" but that writing this seems like it was the opposite. Yet, if there were more good times than bad...then he would still be with us. What the heck? I don't get it.
If along the way someoen came across our story and we were able to touch one life. I was able to give another mom the justificatin that...she wasn't alone...than that would be great. I've received a few emails from people who came across our other blog and then this one and said "thank you". :) For that...I'm happy.
I'm finding that going back threw the details is very draining. Talking about it..is very draining.
Today I was able to "feel" first hand how talking about the situation, about what has happened, what it has/is doing to me in my life today can/does make me feel worse.
For those reading who actually care....let me give you an example.
My current therapist is going on maternity leave - any day. I've thought about just going on leave with her. Then think that maybe that wouldn't be a good idea. Over the last 8 yrs I've had 3 therapist leave and now the 4th is going on leave. I've only seen her a few months. Just got to a point where I could talk about Cor w/her and feel comfortable. Today I met w/the person I will be seeing while she is gone. I kind of know this lady because I took a "Mindfullness" class over the last 8 weeks and she was one of two therapist who taught the class.
Anyway, I went in today feeling great. I had spent the 2 hours before going to the appt. working on a picture video for my grandma who is dying of alzheimer's. Prior to that I worked from 8-12 and had a great morning at work. I was able to get a ton of work done w/re-organizing the charts.
As this gal and I were talking about life and how thing swere going and where/what the deal is w/me at this point I just became more and moe overwhelmed. I came home and haven't been able to shake it since.
I'm missing Corry. I want to just hold him one more time. I want to be able to tell him how much my heart misses him. How very sorry I am that I failed him. I want...just one more day....just one more laugh...just one more everything.
And talking about Corry today w/J_ = didn't help. I wish I would have been able to sense at the time that I couldn't go there. That is the thing that is sooo frigging hard about this. This STINKS!!! I didn't want to terminate. I didn't file the TPR motion. I DIDN"T fight it because I had no more fight left in me. Did I do the right thing?
I know the facts.
I know that we did everything we could for Corry.
I know that we sought out the best of the best.
I know~~~~~~~~~~~
Today.... the "I knows...." just aren't good enough!!!!
It is a way for me to write what our time was with Corry. The good and the bad. I feel like it is so much bad. I told someone today that "there were more good than bad" but that writing this seems like it was the opposite. Yet, if there were more good times than bad...then he would still be with us. What the heck? I don't get it.
If along the way someoen came across our story and we were able to touch one life. I was able to give another mom the justificatin that...she wasn't alone...than that would be great. I've received a few emails from people who came across our other blog and then this one and said "thank you". :) For that...I'm happy.
I'm finding that going back threw the details is very draining. Talking about it..is very draining.
Today I was able to "feel" first hand how talking about the situation, about what has happened, what it has/is doing to me in my life today can/does make me feel worse.
For those reading who actually care....let me give you an example.
My current therapist is going on maternity leave - any day. I've thought about just going on leave with her. Then think that maybe that wouldn't be a good idea. Over the last 8 yrs I've had 3 therapist leave and now the 4th is going on leave. I've only seen her a few months. Just got to a point where I could talk about Cor w/her and feel comfortable. Today I met w/the person I will be seeing while she is gone. I kind of know this lady because I took a "Mindfullness" class over the last 8 weeks and she was one of two therapist who taught the class.
Anyway, I went in today feeling great. I had spent the 2 hours before going to the appt. working on a picture video for my grandma who is dying of alzheimer's. Prior to that I worked from 8-12 and had a great morning at work. I was able to get a ton of work done w/re-organizing the charts.
As this gal and I were talking about life and how thing swere going and where/what the deal is w/me at this point I just became more and moe overwhelmed. I came home and haven't been able to shake it since.
I'm missing Corry. I want to just hold him one more time. I want to be able to tell him how much my heart misses him. How very sorry I am that I failed him. I want...just one more day....just one more laugh...just one more everything.
And talking about Corry today w/J_ = didn't help. I wish I would have been able to sense at the time that I couldn't go there. That is the thing that is sooo frigging hard about this. This STINKS!!! I didn't want to terminate. I didn't file the TPR motion. I DIDN"T fight it because I had no more fight left in me. Did I do the right thing?
I know the facts.
I know that we did everything we could for Corry.
I know that we sought out the best of the best.
I know~~~~~~~~~~~
Today.... the "I knows...." just aren't good enough!!!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
"It's Okay Mommy...No Cry Mommy...
I was devastated and releaved all at the same time.
CB and her dh talked to us about termination. She told us that from what our therapist had told her she didn't see that Cor could make it in our home ever. At that moment we "thought" about it. We didn't know. We were not experienced. We were in shock. We were torn and tattered.
Abi at this point didn't talk very much at all. She said 1 or 2 words max. She refused to go to anyone other than James or I. With the exception of 2 people. My friend Martha and the owner/founder of the foundation. The owner of the foundation also started a daycare center. MsAbi went to this daycare 5 days a week for 2-3 hs a day. She would SCREAM non stop unless she was with Cheri in her office. If anyone else came into her office...she would scream.
My mom could not hold her. Rarely could my mom or any family member make eye contact w/her. This started when she was 3 months old. Not the typical 10-12 mo. old stranger awareness..it was 3 months old.
Our pediatrician wanted to give us a referral to be evaluated because she didn't walk, she didn't crawl (until late) and didn't talk. She did sign basic signs and I was able to get what I needed from her and communicate. But no one else was able to. She was attached to my hip 24/7. I could not have a conversation w/a stranger or friend. I had just got to a point where I could make a therapy appt. for myself, take toys/snacks and she woudl be content. As long as Joan wouldn't look at or talk to her...she would be fine.
Many of my family and friends would joke and make fun of how spoiled she was. Told me I shouldn't keep nursing her. I needed to just 'let her cry it out'. I knew that there was a reason she was this way. In my heart...I knew. I knew it wasn't normal. And I just needed to protect my baby as much as I could from the dysfunction and huge stress she lived every day.
So...as we drive away from CB's home and leave our little boy...I'm sobbing. We weren't even at the end of the road and James and I were arguing...out of stress and grief...I'm sobbing some more...
"It's okay Mommy.....No Cry Mommy....It's Okay...Co-we...be ok?"
This little girl NEVER said more than 1-2 words at a time. She spoke a WHOLE sentence.
It will be okay...Yes MsAbi..it will be okay.
We have extended family that lives in WV which was not far from where we were at. My mom had called her Aunts and arranged for us to go visit them. We weren't going to stay over night w/them. We just wanted to be alone. I knew that MsAbi would freek out and so we just wanted to stop and visit.
We pull up and MsAbi starts jabbering away. Jabber that we could understand. We went in and visited. And this little girl was a different child... My Great Aunt and Uncle and my mom's cousins all said "Your mom said she wasn't very friendly....she didn't talk and wouldn't allow us to look at her or talk to her....She lied". We tried to tell them that this wasn't normal fo rher.
Then the next morning (we decided to stay overnight) we were eating breakfast. Tradition is that ALL of the kids and grandkids come home for home made biscuts and gravy...oh' it was so good.
What does Abi do...She eats. Gets down from her seat and starts CLEARING THE TABLE!! They all laughe and giggled that this lil 18 mo. old would "take u pate?" And then take it to her Great Great Aunty and put it in the sink.
My little girl came out of her shell.....
BOY did she EVER come out of her SHELL.....
With in a few days she was talking non stop.
With in a few days she was walking non stop.
With in a few days she had no fear of anyone.
With in a few days she participated in 1 yr old room of daycare..no more spending time w/the owner.
I will never forget my mom saying to me "I'm soooo sorry that I didn't completely believe you...I can tell by seeing this baby...that things were bad." Over the next little while I heard my mom 'support' us on a hole new level..
I missed my baby boy...
The respite was wonderful.....
The respite was stressful.....
My baby girl flourished like never before.
CB and her dh talked to us about termination. She told us that from what our therapist had told her she didn't see that Cor could make it in our home ever. At that moment we "thought" about it. We didn't know. We were not experienced. We were in shock. We were torn and tattered.
Abi at this point didn't talk very much at all. She said 1 or 2 words max. She refused to go to anyone other than James or I. With the exception of 2 people. My friend Martha and the owner/founder of the foundation. The owner of the foundation also started a daycare center. MsAbi went to this daycare 5 days a week for 2-3 hs a day. She would SCREAM non stop unless she was with Cheri in her office. If anyone else came into her office...she would scream.
My mom could not hold her. Rarely could my mom or any family member make eye contact w/her. This started when she was 3 months old. Not the typical 10-12 mo. old stranger awareness..it was 3 months old.
Our pediatrician wanted to give us a referral to be evaluated because she didn't walk, she didn't crawl (until late) and didn't talk. She did sign basic signs and I was able to get what I needed from her and communicate. But no one else was able to. She was attached to my hip 24/7. I could not have a conversation w/a stranger or friend. I had just got to a point where I could make a therapy appt. for myself, take toys/snacks and she woudl be content. As long as Joan wouldn't look at or talk to her...she would be fine.
Many of my family and friends would joke and make fun of how spoiled she was. Told me I shouldn't keep nursing her. I needed to just 'let her cry it out'. I knew that there was a reason she was this way. In my heart...I knew. I knew it wasn't normal. And I just needed to protect my baby as much as I could from the dysfunction and huge stress she lived every day.
So...as we drive away from CB's home and leave our little boy...I'm sobbing. We weren't even at the end of the road and James and I were arguing...out of stress and grief...I'm sobbing some more...
"It's okay Mommy.....No Cry Mommy....It's Okay...Co-we...be ok?"
This little girl NEVER said more than 1-2 words at a time. She spoke a WHOLE sentence.
It will be okay...Yes MsAbi..it will be okay.
We have extended family that lives in WV which was not far from where we were at. My mom had called her Aunts and arranged for us to go visit them. We weren't going to stay over night w/them. We just wanted to be alone. I knew that MsAbi would freek out and so we just wanted to stop and visit.
We pull up and MsAbi starts jabbering away. Jabber that we could understand. We went in and visited. And this little girl was a different child... My Great Aunt and Uncle and my mom's cousins all said "Your mom said she wasn't very friendly....she didn't talk and wouldn't allow us to look at her or talk to her....She lied". We tried to tell them that this wasn't normal fo rher.
Then the next morning (we decided to stay overnight) we were eating breakfast. Tradition is that ALL of the kids and grandkids come home for home made biscuts and gravy...oh' it was so good.
What does Abi do...She eats. Gets down from her seat and starts CLEARING THE TABLE!! They all laughe and giggled that this lil 18 mo. old would "take u pate?" And then take it to her Great Great Aunty and put it in the sink.
My little girl came out of her shell.....
BOY did she EVER come out of her SHELL.....
With in a few days she was talking non stop.
With in a few days she was walking non stop.
With in a few days she had no fear of anyone.
With in a few days she participated in 1 yr old room of daycare..no more spending time w/the owner.
I will never forget my mom saying to me "I'm soooo sorry that I didn't completely believe you...I can tell by seeing this baby...that things were bad." Over the next little while I heard my mom 'support' us on a hole new level..
I missed my baby boy...
The respite was wonderful.....
The respite was stressful.....
My baby girl flourished like never before.
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