I've had this blog post in my head for quite sometime. I'm not sure that I can really express what I really have been/am thinking in a way that will do this "post in my head" justice. ~grin~
It was 2 yrs ago last month (May) that I seen or spoke with C last.
It was 2 yrs ago this month (June) that my DH seen/spoke w/C last.
It was 2 yrs ago this month (June) that dh told C he would never return home....
It just sucks.
No dad should ever have to have that conversation with their nearly 12 yr old son, EVER!!!
As distraught, upset, sad, depressed as I was during that time in our life.....I wish that I could say that I was 100% or even 50% better.
Reality is there are days when I wake up and don't know how I'm ever going to make it through my day.
Reality is there are days when the void in my heart is sooo extremely large that I can't even begin to think about and/or talk about him.
Reality is I miss him so much.
I wish that my family (including dh) would talk about C, that it wouldn't be such a taboo subject in my home. Then maybe it wouldn't be soo dang hard.
There are many days when I'm mad...very mad about this entire experience. There are many days when I'm just plain irrational. There are many days when I'm at peace. There are many days when I reallly am not at peace...
What I really wanted to post...I can't bring myself to.
I will leave it at this.....
"When I am down and my soul is weary...when my troubles come and my heart is burdened....I really don't feel like I am stronger than the mountains...I don't feel like I can walk on the stormy seas....I'm not really that strong...I don't really feel like I've am being raised up"
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