After the Officer comes and things seemed to calm down, the reality of what had just happened started to set in.
The young officer (same age as I am. I later found out he was a classmate of my step brother who is 1 grade level younger than I am) seemed rather clueless. It was very clear that this young man was truly not aware of what/how to handle this situation. I mean, sure he knew what to do - calm the household, make sure my infant son was ok, make sure that mom was not going to loose her cookies, ect ect.
I made if very very clear that Corry would not be staying in our home that evening. I didn't care where, what, how he was removed...he would be removed. His behavior had escalated to the point that my children were no longer safe to be around him. He had hurt his baby brother.
Plain.Cut.Simple.Dry
This evening was a very long..oh my word...long night.
The Officer did not want to admit Corry to the psychiatric hospital. He called the oncall social worker - remember the one from the night before...remember the one that was assigned to us...remember the one that thought charing this 8 yr old with disorderly conduct was the answer to the problem..brilliant. Simply brilliant, right? NOT
I spoke to T.C. I made it very clear that SOMEONE would be leaving my home and it WOULD NOT BY MY INFANT SON AND THREE YEAR OLD. He didn't want to admit him. It wasn't the answer to the problem.
I remember very vividly telling him "What the hell is the answer to the problem? ME? You think that my dh and I are the problem? You have a problem. You have a LARGE problem...b'cuz if this child is not admitted to psychiatric hospital TONIGHT and he hurts or breaks ONE MORE THING you will have the largest lawsuit of your life on your desk asap. This is not a threat. It is a promise. He should have been admitted last night. Officer Ron told us he wanted to admit him. You did not want to deal with the paperwork and the headache it would cause. Now, a 5 month old has been hurt by his brother because YOU didn't want to do YOUR JOB. Oh' and BTW...if you don't admit him you will need to have ME and my INFANT son admitted!!!".
This went on for several hours. S'rsly...several hours. It was after 11pm that night when the officer and my son left my house. My son had fallen asleep on the couch. He had forgot 'why' he was leaving by the time he was leaving. As the officer walked out the door, for the 110th time he said "Are you sure you want to do this?"
No dumb ass I don't want my son to be admitted into a psych hospital. However, it NEEDS to happen in order to get the help he needs. With tears running down my face, a 5 mo old attached to my breast, and a 3 yr old crying in her daddy's arms...we shook our head yes....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six years later...as I write this my heart is just as heavy.
The tears are just as thick....
The pain is just as raw....
The guilt is just as heavy.....
The what if's continue to rack my brain...
The if only's are just as many...
Sunday Cor turned 15 years old. I had a blog post in my head, actually have had for several weeks. I didn't have internet because we had just moved. Quite honestly, I can't go there.
Happy Birthday (belated) Corry...I only wanted what was best for you...that was all I ever wanted. I wanted you to have a mom and dad. I wanted to be your mom. Your dad wanted to be your dad. We love(d) you with every fiber of our being. We will always love you...
~~~~~~~~~~
Next Psychiatric Hospitalization...
No comments:
Post a Comment