After our disruption one of the aspects that has been hard for me is how/what/where do you draw the line in telling others.
There are many people who know we adopted Corry. Who were part of his life before he came to our family. Who were friends of ours via church and friends of his bio family via church. This has been something that we haven't been able to take away.
It has been one of the reasons why my attendance has been few and far between when it comes to regular church attendance.
I don't discuss our adoption of Cor and the happenings there-after with my 'now' friends, coworkers and such. Truth be-told.....one of the hardest aspects of this journey has been walking it a.l.o.n.e! My dh and I don't even discuss it.
Recently, I've mentioned on FB that I was working New Year's Eve after having worked ALL day (literally I worked from 5:15am-3:45am w/few breaks in between) and I was doing so bc of the prize....double time in order to pay for my trip to Orlando. Couple other comments were made about purchasing my tickets to Orlando at a REALLY.GOOD.RATE from S.outhwest A.irlines. (under $200 RT). With those comments have come the "why are you going? you are going by yourself? really? no dh? ect ect"
With that has come increased anxiety on my part.
Severe.Anxiety.because.I.really.don't.want.to.discuss.it....
Not that I don't want to.
I can't always do so.
I don't want sympathy.
I don't want the 'oh my g_ that is why my dh and I won't adopt' comments..
I don't want the 'oh my you poor thing, your poor kids, i hope i can remember to not say anything in front of ab, blah.crap.blah.crap.blah.crap.' comments.
It is a tough spot to be in. I've done fairly well over the last few years of picking and choosing when/if something has been said.
Yet, I'm finding myself in an odd place. Where I don't know what to say or not say. I don't want to lie about why I'm going. Yet, I also don't always want to tell others. I've got to request the dates off work. Yet, I don't know what to say to my boss. Because of how our union and time off works.....I will have to get 'pre-approval' for the dates off. I can't go to her to early. Yet, I can't wait to follow the union guidelines...which means I will need to go to my direct boss or the chief of operations for approval. I also recognize that my boss has broken confidentiality in the past when it comes to something that was disclosed in my initial interview process as to why I was unemployed for an extended amount of time. Therefore, I don't 100% trust that I will be able to tell her the 100% truth and have it not shared. Yes, I know I could have recourse. I also know that...I need my job and thus....filing a grievance would not be in my best interest.
So, that is where I'm at.
What and how much, if any...do I disclose about my upcoming trip to Orlando.
4 comments:
You're going to Orlando to spend time with family. Plain and simple.
(At least, *I* am.)
I'd say a reunion of girlfriends you, because from what I've read, that's true. And then your boss probably won't even ask how you know them, she'll presume something in her head, and that will be that.
If you don't trust, my instinct would be to not tell her the truth
I'm going to Orlando on retreat with a bunch of other hurting moms from all over the country.
Oh, I didn't know you were hurting. Is something wrong?
No, or at least nothing I want to discuss with people who haven't lived through what I have. It is sufficient for you to know that I NEED to do this in order to help my heart heal from some very difficult things I've experienced. And, I NEED to do it with these moms. This isn't a luxury trip. It is medically necessary.
What happened?
As I said, the detalls aren't something I want or even CAN rehash right now. Please, I just need the time off so I can go. One thing I can assure you, though, is that I will return much more rested and in a much better place emotionally.
And if you can get away with saying a whole lot less than that, do it!
We've told folks we are going to a parenting conference in Orlando with other foster/adoptive/bio Moms from across the country. Sounds much better than "going to Orlando - not to go to Disney but to cry my eyes out and laugh my toes off with a bunch of women I've never met." Ya know???
I'm finally getting around to reading some of the blogs of my fellow "conference attendees" We're staying in Christine's House. I look forward to meeting you there.
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