Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Not the News

~~I wanted to hear.

This afternoon I received a few txt messages from my dh while I was working.

The first was "I jst got of the phone with _ re Corry".

about a half hour later....

The second text "Cor was kicked out of _'s group home. He threatened his fiance".

Even though, very deep rooted in my heart, I knew that this was probably going to happy. The last time dh spoke to _ he mentioned that Cor wasn't doing so hot and was becoming more and more of a physical threat to to a disabled boy there at the home". So we knew it was likely to happen.

We had hope. At least I did. I had a great deal of hope. Hope that maybe he would have something click in his brain. Hope that just maybe he would want to work towards having more contact.

That never happened.

The likelihood that it will happen is probably very slim-to-non.

He was moved to a town (where he was when this all started) to a juvi. detention. For several years we were told "he's not old enough to go to detention. No one will take him. Blah Blah Blah."

Guess what. The fact of the matter still remains. Nothing.Has.Changed.Not.One.Single.I-Ota. Noone.Will.Take.Him.

Now he is old enough for detention.

What will happen iin 3 1/2 years? Then what? Who then?

I've struggled a great deal the last few years with this hole bull-chit. Hell the last 10 yrs of my life were centered around this STUFF. The last month and half, for the first time in several years, I've had a bit of peace in my heart. I've not had sleepless night wondering where he was or if he was okay. Somehow, knowing where he was...seemed to help. At least to degree anyway.

That all changed this afternoon.

When I received that txt from my husband - the scab was torn off again. Detention is not the answer. My home is not the answer. I don't know what the answer is.

I wish that somehow my Father in Heaven could show me the meaning to this.right.now.not.in.his.due.time. I want to know. I want to know RIGHT NOW.

The sleepless nights are back, I can just feel it.

Pray for Cor. Pray for his heart to be softened. Not like I've not done this every flubbin' day of my life for the last 10 yrs. Pray that somehow there can be some sort of peace and understanding. Not like I've not done this every flubbing' day of my life for the last 10 yrs.

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