Becoming Prepared and Educated

Okay..my last post was way to long. Oh' mercy me was it ever long. I'm going to try and not make this be very long. It was a bit of a rant. It was a bit of an everything. This is my defense...I was drinking a great herbal and honey tea. I never ever drink tea and I should do it more often, you think? I shut down my lap top and left Pandera or whatever it was called...and felt renewed. I got it off my chest. Nothing like a good ol' cup (or two or three) of hot tea to releave a bit of stress, right? If you dont' agree..that is okay. I'm not really bothered by it.



Now on to the real reason for this post. I've been asked this many times. Blessedfamily asked me in a comment to my last comment 'how' to become prepared, 'how' to not have happen what happened to us...*not in those exact words but essentially*. As an pre-adoptive mom I'm sure she is probably mortified by some of the things that I and others who have lived this (not many other right about it so honestly and candid as I do).



Truth be told...there is never any guarantee that any child biological or adopted will not suffer from RAD or other mental health issues. Really there is not. There is no way that I as a pre-adoptive mother thinking about adopting a child from Haiti, Guatamala, US or anyway could truly prevent myself from adopting a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder.



What you can do and this is where my dh were truly unprepared...is learn everything you can. Know that there are possibilities for everything. We did not know. We were not informed. Ten years ago there wasn't the information that there is now. Ten years ago our social worker sat in our living room and had a 1-2 paragraph/sentance conversation about attachment...It went something like this...

"Give Cor love, guidance, discipline....and everything will be fine". I kid you not....that is exactly what he said. Maybe add a few sentences. But I remember very vividly him saying this and me thinking "Oh...yeah..." Then as the months went by and then the next year when I learned about attachment disorder I was mortified. Had this man been informed, had this man properly informed us...we would have been able to start attachment parenting. We could have done so many things that would have helped this child and our family. The would/could have's can kill a person and so for today I'm not going to go there...



One of the other biggest things I hear often and read about often the RAD, Disruption groups, and other stuff...and...the biggest thing that hurt me in the end...



FOLLOW YOUR GUT!!! So many times I have heard individuals say "I knew when we were in Haiti....I knew when we were in China...I knew for the 12 months that Janie was in our home for foster care......" I knew...I knew...that something wasn't right, that there were significant attachment issues. But because of the fear of everything involved (loosing your child and your dreams) these parents don't say anything. Which in many cases is okay. And in many it isn't. I didn't follow my gut. I truly felt that my Father in Heaven had led me to this child and so here we were...



Expect the unexpected. And be greatful when what you expected would come to be doesn't happen.



Prepare yourself in every way you can. Read. Attend seminars. Read some more. Listen to those who tell you what can/will really happen.



You know...my dh and I do respite for a little girl who is adopted. N is 5. She is a doll. She is a sweetheart. We enjoy having her be part of our family. However, we see threw the facade. We see the hurt that this child has been threw. Her momma often says things to me that I think 'yep..btdt'. One day her momma told me "I used to be a therapist/sw....I used to work in the SN adoption part (I think that was the actual department..not 100%)....it wasn't until I actually adopted N and started to live this life..that I could truly relate! This is monumental!!



No matter how much you prepare yourself - you are never fully prepared for your daughter to all in one sentence tell you she hates you, you are not her momma, pee on you and then bit you....just isnt' something you can prepare yourself for. What you can do is prepare yourself on how you can handle it. Make sense??



Okay...this is tooooo looooong!! I'm done for today!