I can not tell you how many times each day that I say this little montra..."It is what it is..." Even though I say this over and over to myself and others each day. There are always days that I struggle with being able to just let go and let whatever it is...just be.
This last tidbit has thrown me into a bit of a tizzy so to speak. At moments deep depression sets in and is litterally paralizing. Some moments are not so bad. Other moments juts fly by. At the end of the day, at the end of each hour, the fact that I'm so incredible exhausted (mentally) would be an understatement.
Earlier today I started an update on the events of this last week, of the last phone call we received today from J @ Cor's group home. I've deleted it. I've not got it in me to share. The end result is...it is what it is and there is not one thing I can do to change. The tears have flown heavily. The pain and grief is deep.
This evening I came across Christine's post "When Adoption Must Disrupt" and I can't even begin to tell you how comforting it is to read her words of support and love. Reading the words of someone who truly gets it. Reality is not many people really get it. I really don't have anyone that I can talk to because they don't get it. Sure I have a therapist. But you know what, even though she might try to get it she can't fully understand the realm.
It is what it is...
and there is nothing I can do or will ever be able to do to change this outcome. To change the amount of pain that everyone involved has suffered. And for tonight, that is really hard to accept.