Night before last we received a phone call. In a post I wrote yesterday it kind of eluded to what/who it was from and about. Obviously, this blog is 'about Cor' and that indeed.
We were given first hand information from a caregiver. A caregiver who has called name listed in the phone books/online resources by my husbands first and last name. He first tried calling the state reps to get info. The county sw (same asshat that I've referred to many times) refused to talk to him or give him any information about it.
I can kind of see the reasoning behind this. However, I know from dealing with this man for 6 yrs that he is just plain evil. He should have evil tatoo'd on his head in my opinion. But that is nor here nor there.
This person gave us a semi update on Cor and what has happened and the path he took after the TPR nearly 18 months ago.
I have really struggled the last day and half over this and what we were told. What was asked of us. What the future holds.
We were expecting a phone call from Cor last night. He is calling his dad. The call never came. Believe me we watched the clock and my dh checked his phone several times I'm sure over the course of the evening.
This morning my heart ached for Cor. Thinking maybe it was because he was scared. Maybe he didn't want to talk to his dad. Who could blame him, right? The what if's were rampant.
About an 30 minutes ago the phone rang and I knew who it was. (Rarely ever does our home phone ring. I have 2 friends who call me, I knwo their numbers and if I don't answer they call my cell. Everyone else knows not to call our home number. Anyone who knows us knows that we use our cells exclusively. We have a land line because it is cheaper to have internet and cable this way...actually it is the same cost...more on this later). Anyway, when I answered it J (caregiver) apologized over and over for not calling last night. He felt bad I could tell. I was very calm, collected and let him know that we understand that "life happens and not always can we plan on making calls exactly when we say we can...we understand".
Really...why wouldn't we understand???
It appears that tonight we might here from him. I am not so sure that it is my best interest to talk to Cor. Yet, in my heart I want to. Yesterday, I was completely heartbroken and in shock and sleep deprived. This morning...I wanted to get in my car and go to the town he is living in and see him. Make sure he looks good and is being taken care of. Common sense over took me and told me that he is being taken care of...the young man that called us has spent hours trying to find someone by my dh's name. He has spent hours calling countless people in this state only be told 'nope...' and on to another person and searching again...this is love. It really is!!
So again I ask for some prayers. Prayers that our hearts will be softened. Prayers that we will be able to make peace with whatever is about to happen. Prayers that whatever the Lord has in store for his young man be his will. Prayers that our Father in Heaven will watch over Cor and give him comfort, guide him, and the comfort of knowing our love has never faltered for him. That all we ever wanted was what was best of him..that is my prayer for him this afternoon as I head off to work.