Thursday, April 10, 2008

Evaluation and Finalization

With in a few months it became apparent to us there were some things that just were not right. Everyone kept telling us we just needed to love him more, be consistant, he never had been disciplined before so he was fighting that aspect of our parenting, he just needed consistant love...


Wow was that ever a blow to our hearts. (At least this momma). We loved him more than life itself. We tried to pull our brains over the entire life that had become ours and enbrace it.

We contacted the adoption agency and asked for more info on birth mom. We slowly were 'told things' by the birth grandparents that were not matching what we had been told previously. We were finding out bits and pieces.

Soon after we started having some of these issues the agency decided to pay for an evaluation.
Basically in a nut shell we were told that the things that were going on with him were normal and to be expected...and we were needed to just give him more love...and because I was pregnant....blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shortly after the evaluation we were told by the agency we were able to finalize our adoption early. The agency had a policy that all older child adoptions (C was 4 when placed w/us) could not finalize until 9 months or 1 yr after the child had been official place for adoption. (I can' not remember if it was 9 or 12 mnths. I thought it was 12..i dont' recall rightn ow). The State of WI has a law that you can finalize after 6 months.

We thought this was a blessing. We were sooo very excited. We were told by the social worker "because my pregnancy was not going so well, the baby and myself were considered very high risk and it was likely we would not be finalizing 'on time' if we waited they wanted us to be able to go fwd. By finalizing we would also be able to go to the Temple and be sealed as a family for eternity. (We are LDS).

This was the first mistake we made in this hole process.

We would have not finalized had we waited the original required amount of time per the agency regulations.

**As I stated in my last post this is much harder than I could have ever imagined. I know that "I" need to get this out. I need to write this for myself. I need to work past these thoughts and feelings. I just need to figure out how to do it w/o driving myself into a hole. Without making myself crazy over the what ifs, the would haves, could haves....


Christine said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. I look forward to reading more on your blog. If you ever feel like emailing me and catching me up on your story it would be so much easier. How many children do you have? How many have you adopted? Did you disrupt. We adopted two of our daughter througha disruption and I have helped other families disrupt and adopt through a disruption.


Kathy C. said...

I was told many, many times that I just needed to love my son more. People didn't see what was going on, just what they wanted to see. Even after we moved him to a home for troubled youth, many people just thought I was a bad mom. There are many things that I did that do not make me proud and which I would do differently if I was doing it over but still. Sometimes loving them more just leaves you vulnerable to more hurt.