Thursday, April 10, 2008

My feelings TODAY....

**I need to just say writing this much harder than I ever expected it would be. There are many memories that I have not thought about in many years. There are many warning signs, problems, and just plain anger that I have not thought about and/or even came close to dealing with. For 9 years this stuff has been stuffed really deep w/in my heart. I guess in a way to protect myself and C.

There is so much that I want to write about. There is so much that I think I need to write about. There is so much I think that needs to be wrote about. The emotions and memories have come flooding foward quickier than I ever thought they would be. I really thought that I would right this - the basics would be told and bla bla bla...

Nope, that just isn't the case. Please bear with me. I will say again this is more for my own therapy than it is for anything else. If on the way I say something that is helpful to someone else along the way - wonderful!! I know how I've searched and read and searched some more to find something...just something that would sing to my heart....something that would say this is normal for you to be thinking and/or feeling!!

There is nothing normal about what we went through. There is nothing normal about what you are going through.

I do believe there is hope. I do believe our kiddos deserve every ounce of help, love, determination that we can give them. And in the end if it isn't enough - than we go to bed at night knowing deep down that we did do what we could. Even though, right now as I right this I know I did all I could. My heart doesn't always think so!!

So..there you have feelings for today!!!

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